Bands: Gangbang Gordon, Miami Doritos, Ben Tan
Date: Friday, November 28, 2014
Venue: Club Bohemia/Cantab Lounge (Cambridge, MA)

Ben Tan – It’s been exactly a year (well shave off five days) since I’ve seen my homie Bad Boy Tan play a solo set. Welcome back brother. He begins the show with his guitar in arms and tapping away with one foot behind the bass drum. I think it’s a new tune or simply one I’m less familiar with, who knows?

Following the first number, he abandons the drums altogether and comes closer to the crowd; BBT upfront and personal. He strums away on the guitar, singing a song about “Marielle” and life with the “Upper Lower Middle Class Blues.” Classic BBT.

Next up are the keys, the core of BBT’s work. This is where he truly hones in on his Brian Wilson influence. I sound like frigging Patrick Bateman describing his music. The guy from American Psycho. This is where the sweet, softer songs kick in, tunes such as “Come Out” and “Dance The Night Away.”

As in my previous BBT experiences the last few songs are reserved for cover songs and any other special audience requests, within reason. Much to my amusement and pleasure, the bad boy belts out covers of The Carpenters’ “Superstar,” The Beatles’ “Martha My Dear,” and R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix).” With the last song, he even has the lyrics down to a tee, including the opening lines: “Now, um, usually I don’t do this but uh….” Sharp, sharp guy. http://bentan.bandcamp.com/

 Miami Doritos – Well, look who it is, couple of doritos on the loose from Miami, eh? Yes, yes sir. Whenever I tell people that I have a band on my label (KLYAM Records, in case you’re a wiener and didn’t know) named Miami Doritos they usually chuckle and say “that’s a good name,” those exact words. They roll over and laugh and nearly die due to the unending hilarity that ensues. One fella even said to me “boy, I’d sign them based on the name alone.” True story.

Alright, now that we all had a laugh or a wince, let’s get down and dirty, if not outright filthy. Kurt (throat & axe) and Alex (skins) are the savage duo behind this mess. Ancient Greek gladiators. These two can cause a real commotion, you’d think there was three, four, or five guys tugging away. A mini mosh pit even erupts, a quick little pick me up, that’s right.

Miami Doriots are a metal machine, it’s as if Metallica and Slayer molested Phil Spector. You see what I did there, haha haha, what a funny guy.

Among the chart topping bangers in the Miami Doreets catalog, I request “Bike Cops,” I in fact scream it at the band as an encore. It’s simply one of those tunes that makes me feel okay with the world, even though it’s a totally shitty world. Yeah. Others request “Price 2 Pay,” a tune that appears on the Miami Doritos Splifft 7″ w/ Nice Guys on KLYAM Records. Hey! check it out here: http://miamidoritos.bandcamp.com/album/splifft-7\

Gangbang Gordon – Is the name Gangbang Gordon inherently offensive? I don’t think so, but that’s not my problem. I mean who is Gordon anyway? That’s part of what makes the name NOT offensive to me. If it was just Gangbang, maybe. Probably not though. Then again, I was under the impression that a gangbang was a bunch of people fucking a lone, but willing participant. I thought when it was rape it was called a Gang Rape. Recently, I looked up the term Gangbang and apparently it could go either way. Regardless, it’s understandable if you feel uncomfortable by the name (feeling uncomfortable is part of the GBG charm), but rest assured no harm was intended. GBG (we’ll just go with that) is so oblivious to everything anyway. That brings me to my main point or at least one of them. I have no interest in actual music reviews.

Oblivious, yeah I like that. Awkward perhaps. Nauseating maybe? Or just plain old fun. GBG is self-described “outsider tard rock ‘n’ roll.” One man’s ambition to make rock ‘n’ roll music within the confines of limited technique, inability to “properly” sing, and somewhat ignorance in terms of the history of the music he is trying to emulate. Picture it on stage (or floor): GBG squeals and huffs and jerks off his gutiar, whilst his co-gangbangers drop loads of magic on “noise guitar,” bass, and drums. Ben Tan returns as Mr. Tambourine Man or better yet Benny the Bunny(he slaps on a pair of bunny ears). Nobenny! Haha!

Ahhhh right, going back to the weirdness, it’s crucial, a GBG set is like no other. Think or say whatever you wish, but you can’t say you’ll see this same performance somewhere else, at least I never have. The typical mantras spouted in the underground (and sometimes aboveground) world is “hey you can do this too!” “anyone can make music!” Whether it’s The Kingsmen, Ramones, Beat Happening, Black Lips – the idea is a few blokes get together, make some noise, bash away till they can adequately play… to be able to play a show and so on and so on. Most of the time, it’s something shitty, but they have their shit together. They really do. They’re adequate as hell, even if it’s incredibly shitty. You’ve seen this band before, you saw them five years ago, you may have seen them five days ago, you’ll see them again, you’ll probably see them five years from now. They never stop. Same band, different name, different faces. NOW, GBG is not this band.

They do not have their shit together. It’s as if every member, every banger, is playing their own individual show. Don’t get me wrong there are songs, this is music. Eschew any nonsense GBG spews about it being non-music, that’s a cop out for the music sounding odd, which it does. Trust me, I’m friends with the guy. The man, the myth, the legend. Well, it could be considered non-music, I suppose, but it’s not some lame, ironic, art house project. Fuck that. It’s entertainment, there’s songs, they are played for your entertainment. GBG flops to and fro in a peculiar fashion in front and frequently within the audience for their enjoyment. He’s well aware that there are people in front of him watching, paid their money, and have other things to do. You often see bands (like the shitty ones I alluded to earlier) that are up their playing and they’re not moving or saying anything or doing much at all. Damn, did I miss something? Do you owe someone money? Is some miscreant sticking a 45 to your head and saying GET UP THERE AND FUCKING PLAY. What a bore. GBG’s music may be comparatively inept, but he sure is an entertainer. He’s quite aware of what he’s going through.

Seemingly, anything can happen during a GBG show. There’s this, dare I say BEAUTIFUL element to a GBG show. It’s a certain atmosphere rarely tapped into by other lads. Everyone stares, perhaps head bobs, Mario Epstein dances his ass off, but legitimately anything could happen and it wouldn’t interrupt the show, the show would keep going on. Someone could waltz over in the middle of the band, drop their trousers and take a steaming dump right in the middle of the set and it wouldn’t stop the show. It may result in some glares and naturally people will pinch and/or cover their noses… but it wouldn’t ruin the moment. It would just be like ohh that’s Bill. Bill comes in around 14:32 and takes a dump. That’s part of the show. Similarly, songs often abruptly end OR they don’t know when to end. Regardless, the crowd typically has no clue when one is beginning and one is finishing.

Let’s hope they never finish. GBG: http://gangbanggordon.com/

So, that’s that. This was a KLYAM Presents show and we are more than grateful for all of you fine individuals that played this show, attended it, or even if you wanted to make it, but couldn’t or didn’t, whatever! WE THANK YOU. And of course a big thanks to Mickey Bliss and the Cantab/Club Bohemia for having us. We’ll be back very soon! Keep your eyes peeled…