Dedicated to Chris, but to be appreciated by all:
Category Archives: Femmes
Chris On…
Lady Gaga: Not as outrageous and monstrous as the big corporate creatures would like you to believe. Her whole shock thang is nothing new. Her purpose is to creep you out and creep you in again lol and she succeeds and loves it. But, there’s nothing triumphant about that. It’s like Madonna’s sex book, created solely for attention and to prove that sex sells. WELL NO SHIT! Do you know what country your in? Might as well go crazy and make a wild, cutting edge porno while you are trying to “dupe” us into buying your filth, instead of some risque black and white photos. Well, now I’ve digressed from the original topic, Ms. Gaga. Can’t believe I’m writing that retarded name. I’ll admit, I do find her sexy in her bizarre weirdo costumes, but her music still severely sucks and her act reminds me of a bad version of Alice Cooper (who I’m a huge fan of musically and theatrically), especially her performance at last week’s Grammys, which I watched in Cultural Studies class. I hate when folks rave about how wild she is and what not. Consider most of the bands we champion on here… need I say more? Alas, she’s a mere pawn in the corporate gangbang. Who isn’t?!
Death Penalty: I would never give the state the power to execute an individual. Are you outta your fucking minds?! Horrible idea. Yes, I know some fuckers truly deserve to be dead and in fact perhaps deserve a far worse death than a pussy injection. But, in the grand scheme of things it’s not just. I agree human life should be valued, but I don’t necessarily see it as the most inhumane concept either. My contention is why let some fucks die and let even worse mass murderers get away scott free and live happily ever after? Of course I am speaking of various powerful, political figures, namely those at the top like the Commander in Chief. The Chief torturer of the world. The Chief terrorist of the world. So, in other words, abolish the death penalty and FREE MUMIA IMMEDIATELY!!!
High Art Vs. Pop/Low Art: Ohh Che, you cute, pop superstar! The photo is courtesy of Mr. Andy Warhola lol. What is high art/culture and what is low/art culture? Well, these terms mean different things to different people. Some say Beethoven’s symphony is high art made for the intellectually inclined few and the fast bubblegum blasting rock of the Ramones is low art made for the uneducated masses. Perhaps, but to me such distinctions as high and low is far too elitist. I prefer to north and south and east and west and up and down and all around and do the naked hoola dance and if it’s grooving, I’ll keep moving, and if it’s slime, it ain’t worth my time.
Chris
Bloodshot Bill’s Got Da Ladies
Yeah, Bloodshot! Three hundred more miles!
Locust Abortion Technician
Chris
Chris On…
This is a new series in which I briefly reveal my main views on various issues/topics. So, here’s Chris on
Welfare: In a perfect world there will be no welfare and the wealth will be perfectly distributed and everyone will contribute something positive to society. Well, we’re not quite there yet haha. Many people need it and then many others take advantage of the system, so I understand why most people have a big beef about it. Unfortunately, folks don’t see the real enemy; we should be more infuriated at the government for stealing our hard earned money and funding mass murder, oil thirsty, campaigns amonst other heinous crimes against humanity. Also, Americans never mention corporate welfare, which needs to be cut immediately as Ralph Nader declared. Most likely they are unaware of the greatest “welfare cheats,” the major corporations perhaps because the corporate media will not report it.
G.G. Allin: He was a vile, John Wayne Gacey wannabe, loser. He was the man you love to hate, with good reason. Musically, the songs were average to below average, with exceptions. I enjoy the exceptions far more than some talented pussy, singer-songwriter like John Mayer, who is perhaps “better” than Jesus Christ Allin, but doesn’t give me the kicks. GG was sadistic, but in a savagely hilrarious way. Completely unique and committed to doing whatever the fuck he felt like doing at that moment, whether it be relieving himself on stage, smearing shit all over his body, and then throwing the remnants at his audience, or marrying a teenage, die hard, fan! This quality, as strange as it sounds, is incredibly admirable and it is unfortunate that he didn’t use his fearlessness in a constructive manner. Oh well, I suppose being a complete, sociopathic, meance to society is infinitely more fascinating.
Taste In Females: Well, this is for looks only and I have other tastes, but these are my strongest preferences. Dirty blonde hair, blue/green eyes, rosy red cheeks, long, pinkish/light red tonuge, tight jeans sporting a nice little butt, akin to Holden’s descriptiong of Sally Hayes’ tush at the skating rink! “Che Tits” I’ll let your mind wander on that one ahaha. I bet whatever images conjure up in your psyche is better than me explaining my deal. And how could I forget BIG BLACK BOOTS!!! :) Lord knows I have a strange fetish for this article of clothing. I actually dig other colored boots, but particularly black. When I see a good pair on some fine, young thing it’s like a beatiful whiplash! Now, inner beaty, that’s a whole other story, too complicated for just a few lines.
Chris
Funny Moment of the Day
So, I was taking a stroll through my favorite section of Barnes and Noble, Biography, and I could not help, but notice the attention grabbing, gorgeous Tera Patrick on the cover of her new autobiography, SINNER TAKES ALL: A MEMOIR OF LOVE, MARRIAGE, & PORN. So, I flipped through the pages and skimmed some sections and some… cough photos cough… whilst holding the book close to me to make sure other patrons and the workers did not notice what I was reading. Then allasuddden I dropped the motherfucker and the jacket came off! As I struggled to wrap the jacket around the book as it was originally (this can be pretty damn difficult if you’re under some serious pressure!), the young female worker asked if I was alright and if I found what I was looking for. I replied instantly, ” uhh yeah thanks uhh.” She realized what I was looking at and we shared in our awkwardness. Of course she said nothing, but it was maladroit as fuck. Perhaps, I should have stood on a table and pumped my fist in the air and shouted, “HELL YES THIS IS AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A PORN STAR AND NO I’M NOT ASHAMED THAT I’M LOOKING AT IT! AND WHILE WERE ON THE TOPIC, WHY DON’T YOU ORDER SOME HUSTLERS AND PENTHOUSES. NOT THAT I’D PURCHASE THEM, BECAUSE I CAN EASILY ACCESS PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING ELSE FOR FREE ONLINE, BUT AT LEAST I COULD LOOK AT SOME MAGS JUST FOR KICKS, WHAT DO YOU SAY?! Some day… I will agitate the fine people of Barnes and Noble, but for now I’m satisfied venting in this forum. Peace.
Chris
My MAIN Influences
Of course I have encountered several diverse voices over the years that have influenced me in various ways, but there are a select few that have strongly shaped my specific perspective/philosophy. With that being said, technically my environment has been my biggest influence, but just for fun here’s some real people in no particular order.
Bill Hicks: Biting, caustic social/political satire. Love KO Fear!
Noam Chomsky: Dissent of mainstream American media and American foreign (as well as domestic) policy. Basic anarchist ideas such as the necessity of the state to justify its actions or it should be dismantled.
Rage Against the Machine: Perhaps my oldest influence; their music drew me to such topics and increased my cynicism/hatred for the American government. They also led me to discover Chomsky.
John Lennon: “Give Peace a Chance” :)
Howard Zinn: Brought new meaning to the words “history,” “patriotism,” and “resistance,” for me. Helped me understand that the people on the bottom rung of society make the fundamental changes and not those on top.
Ralph Nader: It is possible to create change within the system and run honest campaigns, even if you don’t win them! Often refer to him for current politics.
Timothy Leary: Fantastic propagandist and overall champion of social change through new ways of experimentation.
The Yippies!: Chiefly Abbie Hoffman (right) and Jerry Rubin (left). Their wacky/bizarre media tactics and dissection of Amerika has been one of my biggest influences on both my writing and philosophy. I adore the equal importance of fun and revolution. After all, how can you have liberation without some kind of joy?
Hunter S. Thompson: Sarcastic social commentary; major influence on my own writing/sense of humor and early social/political influence.
Malcolm X: Provided with the great insight into the hardships of blacks in America and how we raped them of their culture. This doesn’t mean I can relate to this personally, but it does offer me a perspective and has shaped my opinions on these matters. His speeches, writings, etc. have also stood as great examples of how to make an argument with integrity and also how what the institution teaches you is usually false with the complete opposite intent. So, for Malcolm it was White is NOT right and Black is beautiful. For me it’s the media’s purpose is to (Mis)inform the public.
Emma Goldman: The beauty and basic principles of Anarchism.
Dave Dellinger: One of the greatest models of a nonviolent revolutionary; he was the American Gandhi. Stressed the importance of love and social justice in all movements. I’m proud to say one of the most inspiring Americans shares the same hometown as me!
Jello Biafra: Culture Jam! Pranksterism. Perhaps some of my first glimpses at anarchism. Similar to Yippies! but with more serious objectives: Anti-War, end War On Drugs, and so much more. Like Chomsky, Nader, and others, Jello is one of my key political references. For many that probably sounds frightening haha!
Judge James P. Gray: I owe much of the factual basis for my arguments for bringing down this filthy machine known as the War on Human Rights, excuse me, excuse me, I mean the War on (certain!) Drugs to my boy Jim. My views on this topic were basically already there, but I can sharply back them up with the help of the judge’s wise and so obviously reasonable suggestions. Since, he falls from the center-right on the political spectrum, he and I would more than likely disagree on a host of issues. With that being said, he is spot on with his indictment of our current prohibition and I highly recommend his book, Why Our Drug Laws Have Failed and What We Can Do About It.
Mumia Abu-Jamal: His strikingly accurate views on a plethora of issues, particularly race relations and constant investigation of this corrupt and sick government. His story serves as one of the best arguments for how fucked up our criminal/prison system really is. FREE MUMIA NOW!
Steve Albini: Tearing down major labels and any other faggedy artist in sight in the most offensive way. Merciless satire at its finest!
Ian Mackaye: DIY Punk Ethic/Aesthetic. You can’t put a dollar sign on your art and if you do then you should be in a different business!
Chris
What’s in Girls’ Bag?
Chris
My Boys
Interesting…
Chris
Talking and Whiny Voices: Worst Album Ever Made
Artist: The Moldy Peaches
Title: The Moldy Peaches
Label: Rough Trade
Year: 2001
Length: 44 minutes
Just to clear things up, the title is an “attention grabber,” and in fact I loved the album, that was actually my mom’s opinion of the record lol. Anyway…
1) Lucky Number Nine- 9.4- Solid opener, in many ways sets the tone for the rest of the album: minimal, soft, child like vocals, off beat lyrics, garagey, low-fi production. Vocals. Guitar. Drums. Simple
2) Jorge Reugla- 9.0- Funny little ditty (Yeah, I think I’ll stick with this spelling over “diddy”). Vocals are mostly spoken and Adam Green sings one line, then Kimya Dawson repeats it and so on. Then they both sing doo dit doo dit doo… There’s even a tuba thrown in there… I think lol.
3) What Went Wrong- 9.3- This track is noisy and fuzzy and just downright wacky, but it works. It’s mostly screaming and shouting, “Take Me to Your Leader.”
4) Nothing Came Out- 9.7- Maybe the album’s best track, not sure yet. A Complete departure from the previous track and really the other two tracks as well. This reminds me of Kimya’s solo work, but with drums and better guitars. Her vocals are really top notch though. It’s a slow, ballady, love song about our heroine’s desire to be with her man and ride bikes and watch cartoons with him.
5) Downloading Porn with Davo- 9.6- Hilarious song, perhaps the most licentious tune in the Peaches’ catalog. Adam and Kimya and (I believe others?) rock on their guitars, drums and keyboards, creating a fast, funny track.
6) These Burgers- 9.1- Weird track, to say the least. Soft spoken singing about wild hipsters and the “happy pill.” I really dig the 70s kung fu sound, I don’t know what that is, but I like it.
7) Steak For Chicken- 9.5- Another ballady kinda song. Sorta.The dynamic duo share great vocals duties on this track. I especially adore the line, “Who mistook the steak for chicken, who am I going to stick my dick in.”
8) On Top- 9.3- A really unexpected catchy, rap number. Play that funky music white moldy peach boy!
9) Greyhound Bus- 9.0- A simple song about the joy of riding a greyhound bus. Not much else I really have to offer here.
10) Anyone Else But You- 9.7- Ahh yes, we’ve all heard the Juno induced, love ballad by now. Indeed, it is a classic and certainly has exposed the Peaches to the rest of the world and still has not lost its integrity. The pair’s vocals perfectly complement each other as they usually do. It’s an adorable song!
11) Little Bunny Foo Foo- 9.3- Short, but sweet. Highly catchy and inspiring with it’s unpolished production style. And of course, it gives me a chuckle… makes me want to toss on my bunny suit, cause when I wear it I feel cute! I just had to say it.
12) Ballad of Helenkeller & Rip Van Winkle- 9.2- Yet, another ballad. It’s very good and similar to the previous ballads. I know if Helenkeller was alive and had the ability to hear, then she would dig it and dance to it at her Commie get togethers.
13) Who’s Got the Crack- 9.6- Definitely, one of the Peaches’ strongest tracks. Just a great, off colour, bizarre, hooky number. I really dig how the song starts off slow then erupts into a mini rocker, then slows down a little again, then back to rocking, and back and forth with bunch of shouted vocals. Perhaps they found the person with crack.
14) Lucky Charms- 8.9- Not a bad track, but it doesn’t bring that much to the table for me. Still decent and I dig the little, incredibly modest drums in the background. Lyrically, it is pretty funny, like most of their songs, I must admit.
15) D.2 Boyfriend- 9.0- A strange number about boyfriends, Duran Duran, and middle school lol. Just Kimya here on vocals and they remind me of the lady’s voice on those Garment District commercials. Anybody else hear this, if you remember those ads, since I haven’t seen them in a while? lol. The percussion is just simple tapping. It works.
16) I Forgot- 8.8- See 14 basically. Though, I will add, I like how they don’t care about their vocals here and just fuck around. I also dig the weird noises at the end.
17) Lazy Confessions- 8.7- Lower “quality” production for some reason, but in a way it gives the track, its own feel, so I guess it’s a good thing. Overall, it doesn’t stand out though, but it’s a good song.
18) NYC’s Like a Graveyard- 9.4- Fun Fact: This album was released on 9/11/01, so coincidentally this title is kind of creepy. Anyway, I dig the garage rock guitars and overall sound. The vocals are of the punk variety, in a way. It’s a rocker and once again the lyrics make you smile; suckers, fuckers, and retards. I haven’t been to NYC, so I’ll take their word for it.
19) Goodbye Song- 9.0- A good closer, nothing too epic, but it does the job. Very soft and as usual great duet between Adam and Kimya. But, this time it’s unique because Adam is singing some lyrics and Kimya is simultaneously singing entirely different words. Goodbye!
Overall: A, Most music fans will write this group and this album off as amateurish, talentless noise of low quality,but to me quality means passion, integrity, and creating memorable songs; The Moldy Peaches satisfy all of these desires with the highest of “quality.”
Chris
Kids Like You & Me (KLYAM) 