Category Archives: Sex

Classic Film Reviews

Ok, so whenever we see new movies at the theaters we write up reviews for them. When we hear new albums, we crank out reviews for them. In addition to new releases, we critique older, “classic” records as well. So, considering this, I figured we, or at least I, should review classic films we view for the first time or whatever. But, I do not plan on writing full fledged reviews here, just a quick blurb and a grade. So, here are two films I recently saw for the very first time this past week.

Platoon:

Director: Oliver Stone
Year: 1986
Grade: A, Stone effectively transforms his own miserable experienes of Vietnam into an ugly, but realistic look at the inhumanity of War and it’s effect on man; absolutely deserved the Academy Award for Best Picture that it obtained.

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From Dusk Till Dawn:

Director: Robert Rodriguez
Year: 1996
Grade: A, Fun, bizarre action/horror/gangster/vampire flick from Rodriguez and Tarantino (writer, co-star with George Clooney); it’s a straight up ‘guy’ flick with blood, bullets, boobs and basterd vampires, not of the pussy twilight variety, but real serious motherfuckers. Oh and Salma Hayek….

Chris

Chris On…

Gross Out Videos/Pictures In the Online Age: In my last edition of “Chris On…” I observed the distinctions between high and low culture, well here we have perhaps the lowest of cultures: Shock Sites. But, without a doubt it is a burgeoning subculture and has had an impact on our entire culture as a whole. Perhaps it all began with the projectile vomit inducing “Tub Girl,” I don’t recommend you check this out unless you want to be sick to your stomach. That was the Gone With the Wind for disgusting media. Since then you have your Lemon Parties, Pain Olympics, and the chick that farts out peanut butter and other shit lol, I forget the name, but yeah it’s all there. Oh and who could forget the most notorious, the Casablanca of the genre, if you will, Two Girls, One Cup. So, are these vile videos an impending sign of decline in Western Civilization? or is it merely the tech age’s opportunity to profit on centuries of repulsing fetishes by posting it in the privacy of everyone’s home? I’d say a little bit of both. Personally, I do not in any way, “get off” ahaha on these little ditties of sexual macabre, but at the same time they sure are intriguing and in some bizarre way worth analyzing! Even more importantly, it’s worth observing others’ reactions to such videos, funnier too! All in all, it’s nice to get a cheap and crude laugh, if at least once. And believe me, with said genre, you most likely won’t come back for more! Finally, I’ll admit, I am one to partake in the voyeristic journey of “how far will this go?” video and apparently I’m not alone, as millions of Americans, from young to old, are viewing the latest,”dude, this shit is nasty, you gotta check it out!” as we speak. What this specifically, does to our culture is a whole other story…

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Mumia Abu-Jamal: I bet it seems pretty odd that I shift from discussing an extremely wacky topic like videos displaying coprophillia and emetophillia to an infinitely more serious topic, such as the jeopardy and constant abuse of one man’s life, but that’s how it works here with “Chris On…” With that being said, I actually did make an attempt to connect certain topics from the last post, i.e. death penalty to Mumia. Mumia Abu-Jamal is an excellent “journalist” and/or commentator on current affiairs and essentially how this system is completely fucked up and filled to the brim with injustice, as he is living (possibly not for long :() proof of this. His courage and dedication to “waking up” the public and specifically blacks is a massive inspiration. Oh, did I forget to mention, that he is (and has been for nearly thirty years) wrongfully sitting on death row?! Over the years, his conviction has been reviewed and appeald throughly for it’s undeniable flaws, but the Cracker Courts, won’t let up. In a nutshell, Mumia was charged with the murder of a police officer, Daniel Faulkner and subsequently was given an unfair trial, clearly marked with prejudice. Whether he committed the crime or not, is insignifcant, even though I don’t think he did. There is not enough evidence to point to him. And let’s say that he did?! Just for the fun of it; Mumia, himself was wounded by Faulkner’s gunshot. I’d bet all my money that if Mumia was the one that died, Faulker would be a free man. In other words, even if Mumia did kill him, isn’t that self-defense. But, no a Black Man is inferior to a White Cop in the White Courts of White America. You can say that’s playing the “race card,” but how come it’s not playing the “race card” when black people are given an all white jury? The Constitution entitles us to the right of a “jury of one’s peers.” Now, I need to do more research, cause I don’t know for sure if Mumia’s trial had all white jurors, but I have a positive feeling it did. Either way, FREE MUMIA!

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The Recent Surge Of Often Untimely, But Not Always the Case, But Still Sad Celeberty and Not So Famous to Use That Term, But Still Vital To The Arts Deaths… PHEW!: Jay Reatard, Howard Zinn, J.D. Salinger, Bobby Ubangi, Patrick Swayze (not as cool as the others, but still, worth mentioning lol), Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, Carol Chomsky, and I apologize if I forgot anyone else, feel free to comment on others. Yeah, so I don’t give a fuck about MJ or Teddy Kennedy! Hahaha! Yeah, I know the sancitty of life and all that jazz, but if they weren’t famous then they would not receive the same amount of respect and grief. I’m not happy their dead, but in the grand scheme of things, people die all the time, so I don’t feel particuarly saddened when some criminals die. We did however lose some folks that seriously meant something to me! Chiefly, the most shocking, Jay Reatard, my favorite singer and one of the most promising artists of the past decade. He is sorely missed for his intensely catchy music and high energy live shows. On the same token, other fun rockin guys in Bobby Ubangi left us far too soon as well. Bobby played alongside the great, Jared Swilley in the Gaye Blades and had his own solo material, both of which were nothing short than brilliant bubble gum pop magic. He will be “Forever” remembered for his “Dirty Hands.” Hahah. Now, for Howard Zinn and J.D. Salinger, perhaps these deaths were not as untimely and therefore not as shocking, but certainly not less important in any way. I didn’t really follow Salinger all that much, but his most famous work, The Catcher In the Rye is my favorite book of all time and has strongly influenced countless writers including myself. Mr. Zinn was the highest model citizen and always discussed politics, history and various social issues in terms of how it meant to the “people.” His works and speeches have had a major influence on my own views and writing. Check out “My Main Influences” post for further reading. And of course, fame doesn’t measure value, so we must remember those who have died in Haiti and still suffer. Alas, we don’t mention them all that much here on the KLYAM, but that doesn’t mean we do not care about them.

Chris

Wed. Afternoon Experience

I guess another experience was meant to be for today. This one was messed up! I was walking down the hall from my room to the elevators and I start hearing a girl make some intense moaning sounds like “Oooohhhhhhhyeahhhhhhh” and “Aaaaaahhhhhhhh.” It was obviously coming from a nearby room. I know for a fact that these screams of joy were too “perfect” to be some kind of real time experience. First of all, the girl making these sounds was too rhythmic. She’d start and stop at a fluid rate. There wasn’t any other noise coming from the room besides these hollers. At any rate, I’m standing by the elevators for a good two minutes until I see another girl walking my way. The ‘background music’ is still going on so I’m just standing there mad awkward. I really wanted to laugh because it was pretty damn blatant unless you’re deaf. Thankfully, the elevator came like 15 seconds later and that was that. Whoever did this has a pretty great sense of humor, playing a porno to make it weird for all the innocent fucks going to the elevator. Who does that? The kid’s a master at his craft. He made it just right so if anyone wanted to walk over to see where the sounds were coming from, they’d instantly be creepy as fuck. I’m pretty sure he was in the room adjacent to the elevators so he could’ve looked through the peep hole to see if anyone was approaching. Maybe I’m completely off base and there literally was some kind of sexual encounter going on and those involved didn’t give a shit at all about anyone OR somebody didn’t realize exactly how loud things were.

CALLING ALL GIRLS (AND GUYS)…


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DON’T MAKE ME START DRAFTIN’ YOU KIDDIES!

Chris

I’m Just As Repulsed As You… chuckles

I saw an advertisement for Volvo cars that utilizes classical conditioning to excite customers about their products. The ad conditions its viewers to get “excited” when they see Volvo cars like they get “excited” for sex. Specifically, the ad features a parking brake in its upward position to resemble an erect penis, this is accompanied by the caption, “We Are Just As Excited As You Are.” The marketers are aiming at the 16-40 year old male demographic. They hope guys will learn to associate the company’s automobiles with horniness, so they will go out and buy them. Fuckers… why they can’t just associate horniess with big black boots like fine, upstanding, citizens.

Chris

Concert Review: King Khan & BBQ Show, Dum Dum Girls, Downbeat Five @ Mid East Downstairs (10/29/09)

Artists: King Khan & BBQ Show, Dum Dum Girls, Downbeat 5
Location: Middle East Downstairs, Cambrdige
Date: Thursday, October 29, 2009
Rating: A +


Downbeat 5 –

Glen: I don’t really know how to describe them. For starters, I was standing right in front of the lead guitarist and he really knew what he was doing. He had some great solos. Definitely, they mixed some components of “southern” rock, country-rock, and garage. The lead singer and rhythm guitarist, she reminded me of Debbie Harry. During their set all I could think of was the song “One Way or Another.” So yeah, just listen to that and you’ll get a pretty good idea.

Chris: Country rockers, I suppose. The lead singer/guitarist was really sexy blonde and rocked out! One of the best guitar strummers I’ve ever seen! It doesn’t seem like I’ll hear them again, but I enjoyed their energetic performance.

Dum Dum Girls
Glen: Hey guess what! The Dum Dum Girls (which I found out is only the front-woman Dee Dee) played the same lo-fi set as they did the night before in Northampton. So I’m going to say the same thing: They are smarter than they look! Okay, I stole that one from King. They really rocked out with their psychedelic Jefferson Airplane-esque sound. They built their vocal repertoire off of this old sound and it flat out works. My favorite part of their set was when they jammed the chords of “Don’t Talk To Me.” “Just button your lips…DON’T TALK TO ME.” The utterly amazing girly harmonies make me love their version better than G.G’s or No Age’s or whoever’s. Edit: I still like the bass player, but she is sort of motionless. Haha.

Chris: The sexiness continues! Very sexy in their all black wardrobes. Musically, however, for some reason, they didn’t connect with me. Perhaps because I was anticipating one of my favorite bands hitting the stage next. But, like Glen, I dug their cover of GG’s “Don’t Talk to Me,” (which seems to be a popular cover these days) and I liked the new feminine light they brought to the tune, though I prefer the original.

King Khan & BBQ Show:
Glen: Yeah! They came out and like the night before did a little warm-up (as you can see in the video below) before diving right into “Fish Fight.” Then “Hold Me Tight.” But hold on…the crowd was actually freaking out. Moshing, dancing, and screaming abound, the atmosphere was altogether different from what I experienced at the Iron Horse. This was some serious concert. People knew that greatness was on the stage. Then what? No technical difficulties! Hell no. None of that shit. Mark and King practiced for twenty minutes earlier that evening (even though the tour manager said “hours”…I’ll take BBQ’s word for it) to make sure shit wouldn’t happen. So yeah. “Invisible Girl,” “Tastebuds,” and “I’ll Be Loving You” off of Invisible Girl. “Treat Me Like A Dog,” “I’ll Never Belong,” “Zombies,” “Dock It #8,” “Too Much In Love,” “Into The Snow,” and the encore “Why Don’t You Lie” off of What’s For Dinner? “Waddlin’ Around,” “Love You So,” “Pig Pig,” “Mind Body and Soul,” “Shake Real Low,” as well as the previous two mentioned at the beginning were the tunes played off of their LP.

Chris: Fuck yeah! As seen below, they opened with a long, but worthwhile instrumental, while King did the duck walk a la rock and roller Chuck Berry. Following the instrumental, they blasted into two fiery rockers with “Fish Fight” and “Zombies” (not HMT lol). Then they slid into the soft, sensual “Into the Snow,” this was somewhat awkward considering the fast paced first two numbers and then this sensitive, love song. Glen already listed off the other classics they amazignly performed for the remainder of the evening. I was highly pleased that they played my favorite, “Too Much in Love.” “Shake Real Low” was a wise closer and everyone abided by the title, espeically some real fine hunnies on stage! Overall, a good mix up of soulful, doo woppy ballads, fast, moshing, punk rockers, and in between. So, this enters the echelon of amazing concerts, ranking number four in my all time favorites. Though, I will note, I prefer KKBS over Jay Reatard, who headlined my third favorite show, but that concert was better overall. In other words, KKBS is my third favorite live band, after the Black Lips and King’s other band, the Shrines. I mean, you know if you see a concert where an entire room of adults are screaming, “tastebuds on your cunt, so you can lick my booty from the front!” it has to be special.

Chris and Glen

Why I Like JFK More Than Bill Clinton?…….

Well, now who gives a flying fuck?! What were we talking about? Ok, I’ll allow y’all to stare for a few more seconds………. ok ok that’s enough staring for now. Now focus! I like JFK more not because of any policy or inspiration or any of that horseshit; let’s face it they were both corporate puppets and mass murderers, just like all of their presidential buddies. But, what made them unique and my personal favorites was their charisma and “gotta love them” persona. No matter what these guys did, they could get away with it. Of course this included being the biggest philanderers God created. Now, why good old Johnny over good old Billy? Well, plain and simple: if you have all that power, you can pretty much do the wild thang with anyone… Bill Clinton slept with mostly unattractive, sometimes fat women, (to each his own) but John Kennedy slept with movie stars, specifically the hottest of any generation man will ever know. So, cheers to him. With all that being said, I still am against adultery, but I find that to be the least of evils these men have bestowed upon us. It’s really funny that this was the topic of discussion for much of my American Politics class today. Good Class. I also plan on writing more on JFK and the myth of his cult of personality as well as comparig said features to that of our current president. In time.

Well, I hope that pic of old Norma Jean brings some horny gentlemen (and lesbians) to the site!

Chris