Category Archives: humor

Classic Album Review: Lifted…

Artist: Bright Eyes
Full Title: Lifted Or The Story Is In the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground
Year: 2002
Label: Saddle Creek
Comments: Ok, so this review will be a la Glen. For the past two years I have adored Bright Eyes’ I’m Wide Awake It’s Morning; it’s in my top ten favorite albums of all times. Now, I’ve heard some songs from various BE records, but I have not heard another album in its entirety, until now. And I must say after experiencing another BE LP, I am not as moved, sonically or spiritually. I tried my darnedest to get into this record, but it just wasn’t happening. I gave it 4/5 listens and it just never sent me flying off my rocker like IWAIM did. I’m suffering from classicalbumism, where you hear one album by an artist and you want everything else to sound like that gem. Well, don’t misconstrue me here, ‘Lifted’ is a sound recording and certainly worthy of at least a few listens. In fact, many of the styles later employed on IWAIM are displayed here, perhaps in a less accesible manner. The opening track, “The Big Picture,” however, drags on for far too long and would benefit from some trimming. On a positive note, I think Conor Oberst’s trademark, minor caterwoul and humorous declaritive language serves as a highly memorable way to close the LP in “Let’s Not Shit Ourselves (To Love and Be Loved).” Haha, great title! So, I have decided to leave this ungraded for now; time will tell how I feel about it. Who knows, in a few months, years, possibly, it may appear on my list of favorite albums. It has happened before.

Chris

Summer 2009 Blockbuster Comparison

The following essay was for my Cultural Studies class, therefore it’s not of the same quality as my other material. Read it anyway lol.

Inglourious Transformers
I see a few newly released films each year and sadly most are of average quality. Last Summer, I saw two movies in particular that stood out; one was quite exceptional and the other was pure garbage with some mild entertainment. The former was Quentin Tarantino’s war film, Inglourious Basterds and the latter was Michael Bay’s Science Fiction film, Transformers: The Revenge of the Fallen. Both pictures are similar in some ways and at the same time, there is a world of difference between them. In terms of culture, Inglourious Basterds is of much higher art than it’s counterpart, Transformers because director Quentin Tarantino has far more “cultural capital” than his rival, Michael Bay.
Both Inglourious Basterds and Transformers are action films in their own unique ways, but Basterds does not rely solely on special effects and fun filled mayhem to dazzle it’s audience. There are various similarities between the two movies and it should be noted that each obtained well beyond it’s fair share of box office/commercial success. Both had gun shots, explosions, “good guys, “bad guys,” gorgeous females in leading roles, and a healthy chunk of humor. Without seeing both features, a cultural theorist may rush to rule both films as equally “mass art,” merely manufactured products to be gobbled up by millions of dumb Americans as Matthew Arnold would contend. Of course major corporations financed both films and as I previously mentioned each profited quite well at the box office, but it seems clear that there is much more to IB than simply “action” that makes up most of Transformers. IB focuses on World War II and particularly the fall of the Third Reich at the hands of the “Basterds,” a band of Jewish American soldiers. Of course this is not historically accurate at all, but it still gives the film more depth than a light hearted flick about robots. IB also features various references to older, spaghetti western films and obscure war films as well as other aspects of both American and European culture. Tarantino’s cultural capital certainly adds to the “higher quality” of the film.
As I previously explained, both movies can fall under the action genre, but the styles of action displayed in each film makes one high art/culture and the other low art/culture. In Inglourious Basterds, scenes are built up with suspense and clever dialogue. This suspense then erupts into bloody battles and shoot outs and so on. In contrast, in Transformers, the action is not stylized and is mostly non-stop, relying on special effects and very little suspense. The film utilizes most of the conventional techniques Hollywood blockbuster/popcorn movies usually employ, but no substance to balance out the mindless mess. The old phrase, ” a spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down” comes to mind. In this case, there is no medicine and moviegoers are being inundated with pounds and pounds of sugar, mentally consuming as much junk as they purchase in movie snacks. Clearly, if Arnold was alive today he would use Transformers as a chief example of low/mass art.
In short, although both films, Inglourious Basterds and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen can be seen as action movies and worthy of commercial success, Basterds definitely is of higher art/culture than Transformers. Writer/Director, Quentin Tarantino effectively used his cultural capital of historical and cinematic knowledge to make a greater film. The action was entertaining, but carefully balanced with extraordinary acting, memorable dialogue, and superb character development. Michael Bay, on the other hand, merely made a big special effects movie, he knew people would rush to the theaters to see, enjoy, and never ponder over anything meaningful to the human experience.

Chris

Porn Study Fails

NINEMSN.COM

A study hoping to compare men who watch porn with those who haven’t encountered it has been derailed — because researchers couldn’t find any men who hadn’t indulged in X-rated material.

Scientists at the University of Montreal had to change the focus of their project after failing to find a single male aged in his 20s who hadn’t been exposed to adult videos and images.

“We started our research seeking men in their 20s who had never consumed pornography,” the Telegraph reported Professor Simon Louis Lajeunesse as saying.

“[But] we couldn’t find any.”

Classic Album Review: Revolutinary Vol. 1

Artist: Immortal Technique
Full Title: Revolutionary Volume 1
Label: Viper Records
Year: 2001
Grade: B+

Keyword: REVOULTIONARY. Many refer to themselves as revoltuionaries, whether it be a Republican Congressmen from Texas or a radical nerd on his blog, but few can back it up. Immortal Technique is part of this rare breed. He is the closest example of a musical Che Guevara, if there ever was one. Before the listener even hits play, he/she is already bombarded by tech’s intense dissidence in the cover art: masacred police officers and the hammer and sickle a la Soviet Union. But, unlike dem pinko commie fags, tech’s Revolution (at least musically) succeeds because as he says it is, “built out of love for his people and not hatred for others.” The album opens with a solid 9 in “Creation and Destruction.” It basically foreshadows everything the MC is notorious for: violent lyrics, intimidating delivery, and uncompromising politics. This continues throughout the record, while he delves into such untouchable topics as police brutality, corporate media bias for the elite (“The Getaway”), the racist, White, economic, class structure which leaves poor people, mostly blacks and latinos, but also whites, and millions in the Third World concerned only with day to day poverty rather than developing Socialista philosophy to rise out of this trap (“The Poverty of Philosophy”- Spoken Word), and the harsh and regrettable reality of thug life, (“Dance With the Devil”). The latter is arguably one of the most horrifying tracks I have ever heard. Tech’s disturbing lyrics paint a petrifying picture of rape and murder. Overall, this is a sound record one of the finest from today’s greatest hip hop star. You would be hard pressed to find another rapper with as much skill, integrity, and hardcore style. To add to this hardcore reputation, all of the raps were created while he was in prison. Take that Fat Joe, you Fake, Fat, Fuck! Not that I’m in any position to criticize, with absolutely no street credibility WHATSOEVER! But, that’s alright, at least I’m not Billy Jacobs. You’ll have to listen to this album to know who Billy Jacobs is!

VIVA LA REVOULTION!!!

Chris

Chris On…

Gross Out Videos/Pictures In the Online Age: In my last edition of “Chris On…” I observed the distinctions between high and low culture, well here we have perhaps the lowest of cultures: Shock Sites. But, without a doubt it is a burgeoning subculture and has had an impact on our entire culture as a whole. Perhaps it all began with the projectile vomit inducing “Tub Girl,” I don’t recommend you check this out unless you want to be sick to your stomach. That was the Gone With the Wind for disgusting media. Since then you have your Lemon Parties, Pain Olympics, and the chick that farts out peanut butter and other shit lol, I forget the name, but yeah it’s all there. Oh and who could forget the most notorious, the Casablanca of the genre, if you will, Two Girls, One Cup. So, are these vile videos an impending sign of decline in Western Civilization? or is it merely the tech age’s opportunity to profit on centuries of repulsing fetishes by posting it in the privacy of everyone’s home? I’d say a little bit of both. Personally, I do not in any way, “get off” ahaha on these little ditties of sexual macabre, but at the same time they sure are intriguing and in some bizarre way worth analyzing! Even more importantly, it’s worth observing others’ reactions to such videos, funnier too! All in all, it’s nice to get a cheap and crude laugh, if at least once. And believe me, with said genre, you most likely won’t come back for more! Finally, I’ll admit, I am one to partake in the voyeristic journey of “how far will this go?” video and apparently I’m not alone, as millions of Americans, from young to old, are viewing the latest,”dude, this shit is nasty, you gotta check it out!” as we speak. What this specifically, does to our culture is a whole other story…

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Mumia Abu-Jamal: I bet it seems pretty odd that I shift from discussing an extremely wacky topic like videos displaying coprophillia and emetophillia to an infinitely more serious topic, such as the jeopardy and constant abuse of one man’s life, but that’s how it works here with “Chris On…” With that being said, I actually did make an attempt to connect certain topics from the last post, i.e. death penalty to Mumia. Mumia Abu-Jamal is an excellent “journalist” and/or commentator on current affiairs and essentially how this system is completely fucked up and filled to the brim with injustice, as he is living (possibly not for long :() proof of this. His courage and dedication to “waking up” the public and specifically blacks is a massive inspiration. Oh, did I forget to mention, that he is (and has been for nearly thirty years) wrongfully sitting on death row?! Over the years, his conviction has been reviewed and appeald throughly for it’s undeniable flaws, but the Cracker Courts, won’t let up. In a nutshell, Mumia was charged with the murder of a police officer, Daniel Faulkner and subsequently was given an unfair trial, clearly marked with prejudice. Whether he committed the crime or not, is insignifcant, even though I don’t think he did. There is not enough evidence to point to him. And let’s say that he did?! Just for the fun of it; Mumia, himself was wounded by Faulkner’s gunshot. I’d bet all my money that if Mumia was the one that died, Faulker would be a free man. In other words, even if Mumia did kill him, isn’t that self-defense. But, no a Black Man is inferior to a White Cop in the White Courts of White America. You can say that’s playing the “race card,” but how come it’s not playing the “race card” when black people are given an all white jury? The Constitution entitles us to the right of a “jury of one’s peers.” Now, I need to do more research, cause I don’t know for sure if Mumia’s trial had all white jurors, but I have a positive feeling it did. Either way, FREE MUMIA!

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The Recent Surge Of Often Untimely, But Not Always the Case, But Still Sad Celeberty and Not So Famous to Use That Term, But Still Vital To The Arts Deaths… PHEW!: Jay Reatard, Howard Zinn, J.D. Salinger, Bobby Ubangi, Patrick Swayze (not as cool as the others, but still, worth mentioning lol), Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, Carol Chomsky, and I apologize if I forgot anyone else, feel free to comment on others. Yeah, so I don’t give a fuck about MJ or Teddy Kennedy! Hahaha! Yeah, I know the sancitty of life and all that jazz, but if they weren’t famous then they would not receive the same amount of respect and grief. I’m not happy their dead, but in the grand scheme of things, people die all the time, so I don’t feel particuarly saddened when some criminals die. We did however lose some folks that seriously meant something to me! Chiefly, the most shocking, Jay Reatard, my favorite singer and one of the most promising artists of the past decade. He is sorely missed for his intensely catchy music and high energy live shows. On the same token, other fun rockin guys in Bobby Ubangi left us far too soon as well. Bobby played alongside the great, Jared Swilley in the Gaye Blades and had his own solo material, both of which were nothing short than brilliant bubble gum pop magic. He will be “Forever” remembered for his “Dirty Hands.” Hahah. Now, for Howard Zinn and J.D. Salinger, perhaps these deaths were not as untimely and therefore not as shocking, but certainly not less important in any way. I didn’t really follow Salinger all that much, but his most famous work, The Catcher In the Rye is my favorite book of all time and has strongly influenced countless writers including myself. Mr. Zinn was the highest model citizen and always discussed politics, history and various social issues in terms of how it meant to the “people.” His works and speeches have had a major influence on my own views and writing. Check out “My Main Influences” post for further reading. And of course, fame doesn’t measure value, so we must remember those who have died in Haiti and still suffer. Alas, we don’t mention them all that much here on the KLYAM, but that doesn’t mean we do not care about them.

Chris

Bitchfuck Hacked Or Not?

I’m probably blogger number 532 to point this out, but whatever: Go read Pitchfork’s review of Eminem’s The Eminem Show. The “ryan” character refers to the founder of that site:

ryan loves it and he likes mmlp too so he’s all sonning me now with this ‘well ethan yes perhaps i’d allow you to give the marshall mathers lp a 10.0, i mean that particular record was perfect, but not this one’ yeah well you were busy talking about at the motherfucking drive in back then so let me redeem your godawful site now. jeez unless he went back on his dumb-ass ‘policy’ theres a nine dot one up there but i promise you ‘the eminem show’ is really a ten, know that

oh my darling eminem! how i love you marshall, spittin shiny massive magnetic acrostics to fit the thrillest rhyme style ever invented (ugh yeah i’m trying not to explain his quote unquote flow in those meaningless autechre words like architectural and labyrinthine but SHIT) but yeah although em’s lyrics arent usually quotably evocative for rock reviews like wu or jay here i’m not even going to try, you have to hear him spit at it live or on record