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The Greatest Rock Critic on The Stooges’ classic Funhouse (1970). Before Vice we had Creem Magazine!
Category Archives: humor
Chris On…
This is a brief segment of “Chris On…” this time around. Here are my thoughts on Family Guy.
Ok, so I love the first three seasons (especially season two), but after that the show started to jump the shark. Not totally bad and in fact seasons four and five had its fair share of good episodes, but they were nowhere near the quality of seasons one through three. After that, the show went down hill and I have not been a fan since. I feel like they have pandered to a younger and perhaps dumber audience (though I am not insinuating that young people or little kids are stupid). There was always an element of silliness to FG, but it was mixed smoothly with witty, well-written, and often culture referenced jokes. True, not all of that was suspended following season three, but we saw less of it and more of the childish and sometimes plain unfunny bits. Not to sound like an elitist scumfuck, but it appears that FG was in its hey day when a much smaller audience (including me) adored the show and the writers did not have as much of a market or demographic to satisfy. In other words, the show became more of a Family Guy trying to hard to be Family Guy kind of deal. With legions of fans nowadays (most of whom became viewers in the later seasons) I seriously doubt they will ever return to their old form. Lastly, one of the most irritating reasons I disdain the later seasons is attributed to the God Awful sound of their voices. It boggles my mind how few people pick up on this or can at least put up with it. Just watch these two videos and you will notice the difference.
Season 3
and
Season 6
Memories of No Age Part I: Poetry
Here is a little poem I wrote for Creative Writing class Senior year describing some of the No Age show Glen, Ben, and I attended at Wellesley College in April ’09.
Here Should Be My Home
Glen had insisted there was a concert that night
We searched for THIRTY minutes for the music center
I was beginning to think my comrade wasn’t too bright
This was clearly not our place
Yet, we found a student
That was able to solve our case
It was an all Girls school
I could pretend to be a student
But, I’d look like a fool
We were told we needed to know someone to get in
But, with my impeccable, boyish charm
I was able to coax the sweet girl at the door to grant us admission
There was No Stage
For No Age
But, the boys managed to put on an amazing show
Filled with loud, fast, Punk songs
But, no atmospheric songs
Because Randy Randal
Told me that it was too much for the band to handle
Mini Classic Film Reviews: Halloween…
Full Title: Halloween
Director: John Carpenter
Year: 1978
Comments: Halloween gave us the classic teen slasher flick. Sure, Texas Chainsaw and others came before this, but Halloween cemented the staple in cinema. Essentially if you drink, smoke, and fuck when you can you will perish at the hands of the killer, in this case the ruthless Micheal Myers. Sure, he may not speak… at all, but that’s precisely what makes the character/film chilling. Not to mention, John Carpenter’s eerie music, easily one of the finest/scariest themes of all time. This is a classic and essential for the Halloween season every year.
Grade: A
Full Title: Dazed and Confused
Director: Richard Linklater
Year: 1993
Comments: If you have read my previous list of ABSOLUTE Favorite Films, then you would know this is number two for this guy. Dazed is the kind of film that gets better each time you see it until you have seen it a gazillion times like me, but I still appreciate it nonetheless. I associate this film with time, joy, and one’s perception of how much you enjoy your stay on earth and how this perception alters overtime. True, this is a party/hangout flick, the best of it’s kind as one Quentin Tarantino would agree. But, there is so much more going on than that. The tone of this film may be light hearted and certainly euphoria inducing (always cheers me up and makes me ready to party hardy!), but if you look closely the characters themselves do not realize this or outright disagree with this. At one point, Pink pronounces “if I ever refer to these as the best days of my life, then remind me to kill myself.” Their attiude toward life seems to contrast the tone of the film itself. It’s as if the film is speaking to us, saying: these were the good old days when you had no responsibilities and your only worry was which party you were going to next. Top priorities? Getting Aerosmith tickets, when they were still cool. But the characters do not realize this and sadly we never do either in our own lives. We don’t appreciate the good times until their long gone. Perhaps even editing out the bad stuff! It’s funny when I first saw this flick I was ten, way too young to appreciate or understand the significance of the story or should I say the insignificance of the story. I often hear Dazed Detractors (poor souls) comment that the film has no point or purpose, that the movie simply ends. This is true, but that is the point exactly. Dazed perfectly captures a slice of teenage life and in most days, nothing out of the ordinary occurs. At age ten this simply went over my precious skull and while watching the first half of the film I actually thought it was supposed to be some sort of afternoon DARE TV special against drugs! A few years later (age 13) I saw it again and I loved it. I would say this is the best time to turn people on to this flick, just as they are finishing up Junior High and becoming Highschoolers, just like Mitch. This got me so excited for HS. Sadly, as much fun as I had, it was never as righetous as the activity presented in Dazed, is anybody’s? Now I am in college and not too far from “That’s what I love about this High School girls, I get older they stay the same age.”
Grade: A+
Full Title: Kids
Director: Larry Clark
Year: 1995
Comments: Much like Dazed, Kids focuses on one day in the lives of the youth of America, where drinking, smoking, and fucking seems to be their only concerns. Yet, while Dazed has an atmosphere of joy and let the good times roll, this film has anything but. Most likely the characters in Dazed will go on to lead fine lives as upstanding citizens, but these kids are doomed for failure, incarceration, and certainly death. Clark takes then teen Harmony Korine’s painfully accurate screenplay and gives it the adult perspective we see in the film. As with Dazed the tone of the film seems to contrast with the attitude of most of the characters. The main players (literally) are Telly (Leo Fitzpatrick) and Casper (Justin Pierce) and both are quite satisfied as total assholes that will take advantage of anyone they can, they see nothing wrong with this, yet the film never approves of their behavior nor does it totally condemn them either. Instead, the film simply speaks for itself. Lastly, for my money, Kids has some of the most natural dialogue ever written. Most folks believe it is improvised, but in fact it is nearly all scripted. The fact that it appears ad libbed only speaks to the brilliance of Korine’s script. After all, as Clark stated, Korine’s screenplay is “from the inside, from the point of view of the kids.”
Grade: A
Three classic youth oriented films.
Old King Cole Younger Playing In Philly 2Nite
Old King Cole Younger, the alias of Cole Alexander of Black Lips, will be playing what looks to be his first show (ever?) tonight in Philadelphia. At least a few Philly newspapers are reporting that he is opening for lo-fi psychedelic band Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti. Is this true? If so, this is great.
Funny Pic of the Day
Trey Parker (left) and Matt Stone (right)- the creators of South Park; they claimed to be on LSD when this happened. Ahh the effects of acid Tim Leary forgot to mention…
Hicks Vid of the Day- Iraq Weapons Conversion
“We’re going in for God and country and democracy and here’s a fetus and he’s a Hitler, whatever you fucking need. Let’s Go!”
Brokeback to the Future
“Who’s Clara?!” Classic.
Mini Classic Film Reviews: Tarantino Style
Full Title: Reservoir Dogs
Director: Quentin Tarantino
Year: 1992
Comments: Reservoir Dogs is where it all began. With Dogs, writer/director Quentin Tarantino forever engraved his name in th echelon of badass cinema. Here we have our introduction to the dish de Tarantino, a dish best served cold: classic dialogue that has absolutely nothing to do with the plot (everything from astute interpretations of Madonna’s “Like A Virgin” to the subtleties in what a white “bitch” will put up with and what a black “bitch” will not), gruesome and excessive violence, a non-chronological storyline, and coolest of all a bumpin’ soundtrack with classic 70s hits. Tarantino uses these various elements to ameliorate an otherwise stale genre of film. Instead of focusing merely on the plot, he instead pulls back and utilizes the perceived frivolous dialogue as key character development and even foreshadowing. For example, in the opening scene when it comes time for the gangsters to cough up a tip, Mr. Pink (Steve Buscemi) refuses because he does not believe in it, while Mr. White (Harvey Kietel) passionately argues that waitresses rely on these tips to survive. Pink admits that he thinks it is absurd that the government taxes their tips, but he still will not pay extra i.e. go against his own self-interests. White, on the other hand, is willing to help another person out when they need it. Later in the film we see this same situation: Mr. Orange (Tim Roth) is dying and White displays incredible compassion for his comrade, and insists that he receives medical attention immediately. Pink does not want Orange to die and somewhat sympathizes for him, but makes it clear that he will not put his neck on the line for someone else. This is top notch story telling from Tarantino and Dogs definitely showcases some of his greatest creations.
Grade: A+
Full Title: Pulp Fiction
Director: Quentin Tarantino
Year: 1994
Comments: Without a doubt, this is Tarantino’s Magnum Opus. His finest film and one of the finest ever made. It baffles me when people say they have not seen this. Just scene after scene of witty, pop culture drenched dialogue, stylized violence, caustic humor, and above all memorable characters. Probably the best work for all involved- made Samuel L. “foot fucking master” Jackson the star he is today.
Grade: A+ (My Favorite Film)
Full Title: Inglourious Basterds
Director: Quentin Tarantino
Year: 2009
Comments: The following is a review I did upon the film’s release, one of my first film reviews for KLYAM:
First, I’ll offer you a brief rundown of the main characters
Lieutenant Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt)- Basterd, Jewish American Hillbilly crazy for revenge and leader of the renegade soldiers known as the Basterds. Provides much of the film’s comic relief. He orders his men to bring him 100 Nazi scalps each.
Hans Landa aka “The Jew Hunter” (Christoph Waltz)- The film’s chief nemesis. He is one of the highest ranking Nazis and though he is pure evil, he often displays a romantic, jovial, and courteous demeanor.
Shosanna Dreyfus (Melanie Laurent)- A French Jewish girl, who narrowly escaped the massacre of her family at the hands of the Nazis and while on the run became the proprietor of an exquisite French Cinema.
Bridget von Hammersmark (Diane Kruger)- A famous movie star in Goebbels’ Nazi Germany film industry, whilst also a spy for the British/Allies. Like always, Kruger is extremely sexy!
Fredrick Zoller (Daniel Bruhl)- The Nazi’s model sniper, killed hundreds of enemy soldiers in just a few short days. After gaining fame for his military “heroism” he became the biggest star of Nazi propaganda films.
Staff Sergeant Donny Donnowitz aka “The Bear Jew“( Eli Roth) A Bostonian Basterd that takes pride in beating his Nazi victims with a baseball bat. The crowd cheered when this guy made his killings!
Final Thoughts: An instant classic! Comparable to the Kill Bill series and certainly better than Tarantino’s last flick, Death Proof (which was good). It’s a violent, gory, hilarious, alternate version of history. This is unique because, unlike most War films it isn’t a Drama. Tarantino doesn’t make Drama films. Period. This is straight up revenge! An action packed revenge movie in the style of a Spaghetti Western with elements of the French New Wave era, like most Tarantino works. The soldiers in this film, the Basterds, aren’t portrayed as people with emotions, families, or lives outside of war, like most movies of the genre. Instead, they are fierce Guerrilas only concerned with one thing… KILLING NAZIS! On the other side of the fence, we see Nazi soldiers who do have emotions, love for the cinema, sons waiting at home to play catch with,etc. I’ve never seen a film show this side of the enemy. Remarkably we still cheer for the Americans and boo the Nazis; after all it’s a REVENGE movie! In short, Quentin is our generation’s chief raconteur; you can tell he cares about his characters and therefore we care about them.
Go See Inglourious Basterds Now!!!
P.S. For you Tarantino nuts out there (like me), he makes tremendously effective uses of his trademark “Corpse View” shot.
Grade: A
” Oh man, I shot Marvin in the face!”
NOAM!
This really gave me a chuckle, being a (tiny) fan of trash talk shows and a (massive) fan of the work of Chomsky.
Kids Like You & Me (KLYAM) 