Bands: Nice Guys, Miami Doritos, Malportardo Kids, Grave Ideas
Date: Friday, February 28, 2014
Venue: Thieves Grotto

Grave Ideas – For Grave Ideas, I’m standing off  to the side, gulping down several Rolling Rocks, just savoring the moment. I’m waiting in heavy anticipation for our dudes in Nice Guys and Miami Doritos, who will be on shortly. It’s satisfying to be able to sit back and chill in one spot and admire the music casually from afar, while there’s still plenty of room for others to go bonkers to the band. I’ll save all my piss and vinegar for the Nice Doritos. So yeah, this is my first time here at Thieves Grotto and it is one of  the finer, more spacious basement spaces I have come across in my show attending journey thus far. I’ll  slug back some more Rolling Rocks (hey,  I like the taste! It’s like rock ‘n’ roll backwards, almost! Kurt Cobain told me that one) before I slide into the Miami Doritos zone. Grave Ideas, aren’t a bad band, but I don’t recall them as being memorable either. I’ll have to check em’ out again some other time.  You can just by clicking this link: http://graveideas.bandcamp.com/

Miami Doritos – The Miami Doreets.  Damn, they are ever so tasty, I could yank a whole bag of these Doritos right out of your hands and have em’ all to myself! For those that don’t know, MD is a crunchy two piece featuring the likes of Kurt Egghart on vocals/guitar and Alex Aronson on drums. They are quite the two piece. I have a soft spot for two pieces though. Aren’t they just the cutest? I always picture two pieces to be like the best of buddies. They play checkers and eat ice cream together, finish each other’s sentences. It’s like my crazy uncle used to say, “what’s better than one piece? Two pieces.”

By the time these Doreets begin to play I’m feeling fully in love with the world and simultaneously hating it all over, it’s a bizarre juxtaposition I’ve been meaning to get checked out maybe the mighty Miami Doritos can help me with this. They have a song about someone farting or something like that, it gives me a boat load of chuckles that make me raise my beer and say to Kurt “Haha, chararde you are sir, charade you are!” Except, I didn’t actually say that, but I wanted to, possibly. I hate when music journalist fucks lie in their articles. Fuck music journalism! ONLY TRUST ME! OBEY YOUR MASTER!

Laughs are fine and all, but I want gasps. I want bodies slamming into one another like the tides of the ocean. And I get what I want! I do actually, thanks to the rough, garage/noise attack that is the Miami Doritos. I’ve seen the duo before, but the kids at Thieves Grotto know how to throw down and have a good time, and it just helps make a great show for all involved.

Among the many classic, legendary hits that Miami Doritos puke out tonight, there are two primal BANGERS known as “Price 2 Pay” and “Rush Hour/Piss Take,” which can be heard on the Nice Guys/Miami Doritos Splifft 7″ available via KLYAM Records. Holy seven inches Batman, it’s a Splifft!
Listen up cupcake: http://miamidoritos.bandcamp.com/

Nice Guys – Boy, I feel stuffed after all those Doritos. Wasn’t I just writing about Nice Guys? I was, I did, I will, therefore I am. If a nice guy falls in the woods and no one is around to pick him up, does he go blind? Yikes!  Ok, let’s cut the comedy and get down to business.

I remember the first time I saw Nice Guys (it wasn’t that long ago you schmuck) in a dirty, dusty basement. Jake darted into the crowd, kids went wild. Laughs. Good times. But, here we are now and I can sincerely say that  the Nice Guys have grown as a band, they were sick back then, but they are  significantly better today. *Quit sucking their dicks says Mr. Cynical Reader.* But, hey this is my youth here and I say Nice Guys fucking rule, they don’t come last!

With such a friendly, upstanding bunch of gents you wouldn’t expect such noise, but these things happen. They bring forth the noise, the rock, and the kids know this, they eat it up. Aside from a few familiar faces, this basement is stacked with kids boppin’ and droolin’ over the Nice Guys. They feel that medical envy, don’t you? I just want to skull fuck the president.

NICE GUYS PLAY MEAN SONGS. FUCK OFF IF YOU’RE NOT A NICE GUY,YOU JUST SUCK ASS AND HAVE ZERO PERSONALITY. YOUR DICK ISN’T EVEN THAT BIG. FUCK YOU. NICE GUYS RULE.

Pick up the splifft Nice Guys/Miami Doritos 7″from KLYAM Records here:  http://klyam.bigcartel.com/product/nice-guys-miami-doritos-splifft-7

We missed Providence’s Malportardo Kids, next time fellas. From one kid to another, slowly we’ll take over the world. No, let’s do it fast. We’ll get there fast and then we’ll take it slow.