Ok, so randomly, I’m at the Wakefield Bowladrome and I see some sexy hunny from High School, as she’s placing her bowling shoes on her cute feet. I ask her general questions, like “how’s school going?” and blah blah blah. For some strange reason, I’m not there to bowl, but to attend a concert?! I know wtf?! The arcade, vending machine section was all knocked down and instead there’s just a blank space for bands to play shows. As it turns out, this isn’t just any old concert, but it’s none other than America’s worst nightmare, himself…. G.G. Allin! So, a few friends (I don’t even know who) and I are in the front and the Murder Junkies are all ready to go, minus jeje, and some diehard, frightening fans are surrounding us and are going nuts! The place is packed and the “kill myself for you GG!” creeps are chanting what’s left of their lungs out for their messiah. He arrives and all hell breaks loose. Immediately, he smashes one of his follower’s in the face with the mic, there’s blood gushing everywhere. Moshing like crazy, I’m thrown from one side of the room to the other. My comrades and I are thinking, let’s get the fuck outta here! But, then again we don’t want to look like pussies! Shit. Amidst the mayhem, my lip is busted open, but not too too bad. GG starts getting pissed, for one reason or another and he heaves a bowling ball at the crowd. Fortunately, in his, drunken, sprung out on heroin state, he has awful aim and completely misses anyone. As he is, undressing himself, the Cops show up and arrest him.
That was my dream. We probably wouldn’t survive a real G.G. show haha.
Artist: Spaceshits Full Title: Misbehavin’ Year: 1998 Label: Sympathy For the Record Industry Grade: A/A- Tracks:
1) Can’t Fool With Me– 9
2) We Know Where the Girls Are– 9
3) C’mon Let’s Suicide- 8
4) Won’t Bring You Back- 8
5) I’m In Love– 9
6) Jungle Beauty- 8
7) Turn Off the Radio– 9
8) Piss On Your Grave– 9
9) She’s A Bad Luck Charm- 8
10) 60 Nights Of Boredom- 8
11) Creepy Says- 8
12) Kill Me- 8
13) Tell Me Your Name– 10 Saved the Best for Last!
Comments: Before the Shrines, before the King Khan & BBQ Show, hell before the names King Khan and BBQ meant anything to the music world, there was the notorious Spaceshits! I know some of y’all are familiar with their name because they were “crazy” and constantly blacklisted, which is true, but unlike most performers that rely on childish antics like food fights, the shits had the music to back it up, they had their shit together! Misbehavin’ opens with “Can’t Fool With Me,” a fast, catchy, Rock and Roll number, pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the record. Mark “Creepy” Sultan lol primarily takes care of the vocal duties and he demonstrates some of his best screaming, shouting, and straight up singing on this album. The soulful, delicate, “Into the Snow” like vocals are nowhere to be seen. The fun continues with the second track, “We Know Where the Girls Are,” a tune that must have got the Canadian, garage rock, femme enthusiasts racing to the dancefloor! Most of the songs are about the hunnies and rockin and dancing and what not, you know the good stuff, Chuck Berry style, but ocassionally you witness some fucked up, but hilarious themes relating to death, as seen in “C’mon Let’s Suicide,” “Kill Me,” and “Piss On Your Grave,” which has now become my new favorite insult. The LP closes on it’s highest note with “Tell Me Your Name,” a track not as fast or as loud as the previous rockers, but still heavy and tremendously danceable. All in all, this is one of the best Rock records you can find, it’s everything great Rock and Roll should offer. Essentially, we have sped up versions of 50s-60s Rock and Roll, definitely not the most original artistic expression out there, but certainly the funnest!
Artist: The Kinks Full Title: The Kinks Are the Village Green Preservation Society Year: 1968 Label: Reprise Grade: A Tracks:
1) The Vilage Green Preservation Society- 8
2) Do You Remember Walter?- 10, Best Track!
3) Picture Book– 9
4) Johnny Thunder- 8
5) Last of the Steam-Powered Trains- 8
6) Big Sky– 9/10
7) Sitting By the Riverside– 9
8) Animal Farm– 9
9) Village Green– 10
10) Starstruck– 9
11) Phenominal Cat- 8
12) All of My Friends Were There– 9
13) Wicked Annabella- 8
14) Monica- 8
15) People Take Pictures of Each Other- 8/9
Comments: Everyone knows at least a few Kinks songs. Believe me, for you buzzcocks out there, maybe you do not know who the Kinks are or were, but I am positive you have heard the classics, “You Really Got Me,” “All Day and All Night, ” “Lola,” and so forth. Of course these are praiseworthy, but sadly the general public merely focuses on the aforementioned Kinks tunes and eshews their LPs, which are truly masterpieces of Pop and Rock and Roll music. When Village Green hit the stores it sold poorly in both the UK and the US, but especially in the states. This is due in part to the heavy use of British themes and the fact that the Kinks were banned in America; yeah they were badasses! But, clearly there was/is more to the lack of enthusiasm amongst music listeners than the above reasons. This begs a question I often ponder: What am I hearing in certain “pop” artists that seems so beautiful and catchy, that others are not hearing? Or what are they hearing that sounds so unappealing or atrocious to them? Perhaps, I have just developed taste, rather then simply looking to the mainstream for answers. But, seriously, it’s like why don’t or won’t people enjoy such diverse pop artists as Jay Reatard, Ween, or the Jesus and Mary Chain? Well…. early JAMC is pretty noisy lol. Anyway, I’ve leapt off into a wild tangent for too long. Back to the record, which by the way, is probably far more commercially successful then other critics and I will lead you to believe, when you compare the album’s sales to the likes of the Strange Boys and most of the other obscure artists chronicled on this blog. On the other hand, it is peculiar that such a mega rock act like the Kinks can have an album that is critically well receved and yet commerically flops. Other bands of the era like The Beatles and The Rolling Stones did not suffer from this syndrome, if you call it suffering. Ok, I am really done with that stuff for now! Sonically, this is a pop masterpiece, if I haven’t made that as clear as day, by this point. The music is cheery and upbeat, often matching with the colorful lyrics/themes displayed on this record. We have phenominal cats, big skies, stars, villages, plenty of pictures, riversides, and an animal farm. A recurring motif is the loss of childhood, suburban innocence (“Do You Remember Walter?” and “Village Green”) in exchange for superficial fame and glory, which turns sour (“Big Sky” and “Starstuck.”). In terms of the music, it’s farily soft, for the early practicioners of Hard Rock, but one can still jive to the group’s grooves. I don’t even know exactly what that means… With this record, the band expanded their seminal pop dynamics and displayed far more musical prowess and creativity, without abandoning their hooks. Overall, I can see why this is the Brits’ most critically acclaimed album; I highly recommend it to anyone and it is now amongst my favorite albums of all times. Top 50, yeah it’s that exqusite!
Artist: Immortal Technique Full Title: Revolutionary Volume 1 Label: Viper Records Year: 2001 Grade: B+
Keyword: REVOULTIONARY. Many refer to themselves as revoltuionaries, whether it be a Republican Congressmen from Texas or a radical nerd on his blog, but few can back it up. Immortal Technique is part of this rare breed. He is the closest example of a musical Che Guevara, if there ever was one. Before the listener even hits play, he/she is already bombarded by tech’s intense dissidence in the cover art: masacred police officers and the hammer and sickle a la Soviet Union. But, unlike dem pinko commie fags, tech’s Revolution (at least musically) succeeds because as he says it is, “built out of love for his people and not hatred for others.” The album opens with a solid 9 in “Creation and Destruction.” It basically foreshadows everything the MC is notorious for: violent lyrics, intimidating delivery, and uncompromising politics. This continues throughout the record, while he delves into such untouchable topics as police brutality, corporate media bias for the elite (“The Getaway”), the racist, White, economic, class structure which leaves poor people, mostly blacks and latinos, but also whites, and millions in the Third World concerned only with day to day poverty rather than developing Socialista philosophy to rise out of this trap (“The Poverty of Philosophy”- Spoken Word), and the harsh and regrettable reality of thug life, (“Dance With the Devil”). The latter is arguably one of the most horrifying tracks I have ever heard. Tech’s disturbing lyrics paint a petrifying picture of rape and murder. Overall, this is a sound record one of the finest from today’s greatest hip hop star. You would be hard pressed to find another rapper with as much skill, integrity, and hardcore style. To add to this hardcore reputation, all of the raps were created while he was in prison. Take that Fat Joe, you Fake, Fat, Fuck! Not that I’m in any position to criticize, with absolutely no street credibility WHATSOEVER! But, that’s alright, at least I’m not Billy Jacobs. You’ll have to listen to this album to know who Billy Jacobs is!
Kids Like You & Me (KLYAM) 