Talking and Whiny Voices: Worst Album Ever Made

Artist: The Moldy Peaches
Title: The Moldy Peaches
Label: Rough Trade
Year: 2001
Length: 44 minutes

Just to clear things up, the title is an “attention grabber,” and in fact I loved the album, that was actually my mom’s opinion of the record lol. Anyway…

1) Lucky Number Nine- 9.4- Solid opener, in many ways sets the tone for the rest of the album: minimal, soft, child like vocals, off beat lyrics, garagey, low-fi production. Vocals. Guitar. Drums. Simple

2) Jorge Reugla- 9.0- Funny little ditty (Yeah, I think I’ll stick with this spelling over “diddy”). Vocals are mostly spoken and Adam Green sings one line, then Kimya Dawson repeats it and so on. Then they both sing doo dit doo dit doo… There’s even a tuba thrown in there… I think lol.

3) What Went Wrong- 9.3- This track is noisy and fuzzy and just downright wacky, but it works. It’s mostly screaming and shouting, “Take Me to Your Leader.”

4) Nothing Came Out- 9.7- Maybe the album’s best track, not sure yet. A Complete departure from the previous track and really the other two tracks as well. This reminds me of Kimya’s solo work, but with drums and better guitars. Her vocals are really top notch though. It’s a slow, ballady, love song about our heroine’s desire to be with her man and ride bikes and watch cartoons with him.

5) Downloading Porn with Davo- 9.6- Hilarious song, perhaps the most licentious tune in the Peaches’ catalog. Adam and Kimya and (I believe others?) rock on their guitars, drums and keyboards, creating a fast, funny track.

6) These Burgers- 9.1- Weird track, to say the least. Soft spoken singing about wild hipsters and the “happy pill.” I really dig the 70s kung fu sound, I don’t know what that is, but I like it.

7) Steak For Chicken- 9.5- Another ballady kinda song. Sorta.The dynamic duo share great vocals duties on this track. I especially adore the line, “Who mistook the steak for chicken, who am I going to stick my dick in.”

8) On Top- 9.3- A really unexpected catchy, rap number. Play that funky music white moldy peach boy!

9) Greyhound Bus- 9.0- A simple song about the joy of riding a greyhound bus. Not much else I really have to offer here.

10) Anyone Else But You- 9.7- Ahh yes, we’ve all heard the Juno induced, love ballad by now. Indeed, it is a classic and certainly has exposed the Peaches to the rest of the world and still has not lost its integrity. The pair’s vocals perfectly complement each other as they usually do. It’s an adorable song!

11) Little Bunny Foo Foo- 9.3- Short, but sweet. Highly catchy and inspiring with it’s unpolished production style. And of course, it gives me a chuckle… makes me want to toss on my bunny suit, cause when I wear it I feel cute! I just had to say it.

12) Ballad of Helenkeller & Rip Van Winkle- 9.2- Yet, another ballad. It’s very good and similar to the previous ballads. I know if Helenkeller was alive and had the ability to hear, then she would dig it and dance to it at her Commie get togethers.

13) Who’s Got the Crack- 9.6- Definitely, one of the Peaches’ strongest tracks. Just a great, off colour, bizarre, hooky number. I really dig how the song starts off slow then erupts into a mini rocker, then slows down a little again, then back to rocking, and back and forth with bunch of shouted vocals. Perhaps they found the person with crack.

14) Lucky Charms- 8.9- Not a bad track, but it doesn’t bring that much to the table for me. Still decent and I dig the little, incredibly modest drums in the background. Lyrically, it is pretty funny, like most of their songs, I must admit.

15) D.2 Boyfriend- 9.0- A strange number about boyfriends, Duran Duran, and middle school lol. Just Kimya here on vocals and they remind me of the lady’s voice on those Garment District commercials. Anybody else hear this, if you remember those ads, since I haven’t seen them in a while? lol. The percussion is just simple tapping. It works.

16) I Forgot- 8.8- See 14 basically. Though, I will add, I like how they don’t care about their vocals here and just fuck around. I also dig the weird noises at the end.

17) Lazy Confessions- 8.7- Lower “quality” production for some reason, but in a way it gives the track, its own feel, so I guess it’s a good thing. Overall, it doesn’t stand out though, but it’s a good song.

18) NYC’s Like a Graveyard- 9.4- Fun Fact: This album was released on 9/11/01, so coincidentally this title is kind of creepy. Anyway, I dig the garage rock guitars and overall sound. The vocals are of the punk variety, in a way. It’s a rocker and once again the lyrics make you smile; suckers, fuckers, and retards. I haven’t been to NYC, so I’ll take their word for it.

19) Goodbye Song- 9.0- A good closer, nothing too epic, but it does the job. Very soft and as usual great duet between Adam and Kimya. But, this time it’s unique because Adam is singing some lyrics and Kimya is simultaneously singing entirely different words. Goodbye!

Overall: A, Most music fans will write this group and this album off as amateurish, talentless noise of low quality,but to me quality means passion, integrity, and creating memorable songs; The Moldy Peaches satisfy all of these desires with the highest of “quality.”