Category Archives: humor

Talking and Whiny Voices: Worst Album Ever Made


Artist: The Moldy Peaches
Title: The Moldy Peaches
Label: Rough Trade
Year: 2001
Length: 44 minutes

Just to clear things up, the title is an “attention grabber,” and in fact I loved the album, that was actually my mom’s opinion of the record lol. Anyway…

1) Lucky Number Nine- 9.4- Solid opener, in many ways sets the tone for the rest of the album: minimal, soft, child like vocals, off beat lyrics, garagey, low-fi production. Vocals. Guitar. Drums. Simple

2) Jorge Reugla- 9.0- Funny little ditty (Yeah, I think I’ll stick with this spelling over “diddy”). Vocals are mostly spoken and Adam Green sings one line, then Kimya Dawson repeats it and so on. Then they both sing doo dit doo dit doo… There’s even a tuba thrown in there… I think lol.

3) What Went Wrong- 9.3- This track is noisy and fuzzy and just downright wacky, but it works. It’s mostly screaming and shouting, “Take Me to Your Leader.”

4) Nothing Came Out- 9.7- Maybe the album’s best track, not sure yet. A Complete departure from the previous track and really the other two tracks as well. This reminds me of Kimya’s solo work, but with drums and better guitars. Her vocals are really top notch though. It’s a slow, ballady, love song about our heroine’s desire to be with her man and ride bikes and watch cartoons with him.

5) Downloading Porn with Davo- 9.6- Hilarious song, perhaps the most licentious tune in the Peaches’ catalog. Adam and Kimya and (I believe others?) rock on their guitars, drums and keyboards, creating a fast, funny track.

6) These Burgers- 9.1- Weird track, to say the least. Soft spoken singing about wild hipsters and the “happy pill.” I really dig the 70s kung fu sound, I don’t know what that is, but I like it.

7) Steak For Chicken- 9.5- Another ballady kinda song. Sorta.The dynamic duo share great vocals duties on this track. I especially adore the line, “Who mistook the steak for chicken, who am I going to stick my dick in.”

8) On Top- 9.3- A really unexpected catchy, rap number. Play that funky music white moldy peach boy!

9) Greyhound Bus- 9.0- A simple song about the joy of riding a greyhound bus. Not much else I really have to offer here.

10) Anyone Else But You- 9.7- Ahh yes, we’ve all heard the Juno induced, love ballad by now. Indeed, it is a classic and certainly has exposed the Peaches to the rest of the world and still has not lost its integrity. The pair’s vocals perfectly complement each other as they usually do. It’s an adorable song!

11) Little Bunny Foo Foo- 9.3- Short, but sweet. Highly catchy and inspiring with it’s unpolished production style. And of course, it gives me a chuckle… makes me want to toss on my bunny suit, cause when I wear it I feel cute! I just had to say it.

12) Ballad of Helenkeller & Rip Van Winkle- 9.2- Yet, another ballad. It’s very good and similar to the previous ballads. I know if Helenkeller was alive and had the ability to hear, then she would dig it and dance to it at her Commie get togethers.

13) Who’s Got the Crack- 9.6- Definitely, one of the Peaches’ strongest tracks. Just a great, off colour, bizarre, hooky number. I really dig how the song starts off slow then erupts into a mini rocker, then slows down a little again, then back to rocking, and back and forth with bunch of shouted vocals. Perhaps they found the person with crack.

14) Lucky Charms- 8.9- Not a bad track, but it doesn’t bring that much to the table for me. Still decent and I dig the little, incredibly modest drums in the background. Lyrically, it is pretty funny, like most of their songs, I must admit.

15) D.2 Boyfriend- 9.0- A strange number about boyfriends, Duran Duran, and middle school lol. Just Kimya here on vocals and they remind me of the lady’s voice on those Garment District commercials. Anybody else hear this, if you remember those ads, since I haven’t seen them in a while? lol. The percussion is just simple tapping. It works.

16) I Forgot- 8.8- See 14 basically. Though, I will add, I like how they don’t care about their vocals here and just fuck around. I also dig the weird noises at the end.

17) Lazy Confessions- 8.7- Lower “quality” production for some reason, but in a way it gives the track, its own feel, so I guess it’s a good thing. Overall, it doesn’t stand out though, but it’s a good song.

18) NYC’s Like a Graveyard- 9.4- Fun Fact: This album was released on 9/11/01, so coincidentally this title is kind of creepy. Anyway, I dig the garage rock guitars and overall sound. The vocals are of the punk variety, in a way. It’s a rocker and once again the lyrics make you smile; suckers, fuckers, and retards. I haven’t been to NYC, so I’ll take their word for it.

19) Goodbye Song- 9.0- A good closer, nothing too epic, but it does the job. Very soft and as usual great duet between Adam and Kimya. But, this time it’s unique because Adam is singing some lyrics and Kimya is simultaneously singing entirely different words. Goodbye!

Overall: A, Most music fans will write this group and this album off as amateurish, talentless noise of low quality,but to me quality means passion, integrity, and creating memorable songs; The Moldy Peaches satisfy all of these desires with the highest of “quality.”

Chris

Classic CD Reviews: KK + His Shrines

Title:  Three Hairs And You’re Mine
Release: 2001
Label: Voodoo Rhythm

1. “Three Hairs and You’re  Mine” – A
2. “Kukamonga Boogaloo” – A
3. “Don’t Walk Away Mad” – A
4. “Fool Like Me” – A+
5. “Saba Lou” – A
6. “King of the Jungle” – A+
7. “Live Fast Die Strong” – A+
8. “Que Lindo Sueno” – A
9. “Tell Me” – A
10. “Cracking Up” – A+
11. “The Mashed Potato Itch” – A+
12. “Shivers Down My Spine” – A

Comments: This is a sneak peek into what the Supreme Genius was up to when the Shrines was just an infantile big band. At least on record, these guys sound like a seasoned band, not a two year old independent outfit on a no-name label. The energy is off the chart, which is to be expected from Khan. At the time of this release he was just in his early twenties; pretty quickly after performing in a prolifically “frenetic” Canadian punk outfit called Spaceshits. On this record, Khan adds a mere teaspoon of garage punk to a clan of foreign soul/blues obsessed foreigners. This album consists of a number of tracks that later appeared on the Vice Records released greatest hits collection: most of  “Side B” and “Fool Like Me,” a poised love song ditty. “Saba Lou” is interesting. That’s because Khan has a daughter named “Saba Lou,” but was she even in born at the time of recording? I wouldn’t necessarily call this release a thing of absolute beauty (it’s close), but it’s definitely typical Shrines. Rock ‘n soul. You’ll be smiling for days after listening to this. It does serve as a decent confidence booster and a slight euphoric enhancer.

Grade: A (95)

————————————————————-

Title: Mr. Supernatural
Release: 2004
Label: Hazelwood Records

1. “On The Street Where I Live” – B+
2. “Mr. Supernatural” – B+
3. “Destroyer” – A-
4. “On A Brass Bed (In Paradise) – B+
5. “Pickin’ Up The Trash” – A-
6. “Stone Soup” – B+
7. “Lovesick” – B+
8. “Train No 8” – B
9. “Chatter” – N/A
10. “I Don’t Have To Tell You”  – A-
11. “Shattered” – B-
12. “Burnin’ Inside” – A+

Comments: Initially, this record is a bit of a forced effort it seems. It seems like the band’s crazy experimental factor has been reduced and the music has returned more to its roots. It’s still fun, don’t get me wrong. Even a “great hit” like “Destroyer” is a lackluster (compared to other magnificent songs) until the groovy as heck interlude “GOOD BAD UGLY…DESTROYER!” So in this respect, it’s noticeably weaker (but chiller, if that’s your thing) than probably every other KK + Shrines released. The innate catchiness just isn’t there. It’s more like a soul aficionados’ wet dream.

Final Grade: B+ (88)

Direct to Video Release Review: It’s A Very Sunny Christmas

Title: It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia in A Very Sunny Christmas
Length: 43 minutes (about 2 episodes worth)
Grade: A-
Here’s Why: We join the demented gang for a no holds barred, fun, wacky Christmas in the Sunny style of unpredictable mayhem. This time around, Dennis and Dee devise a scheme in which they can show their Scrooge of a father, Frank the Christmas Past, Present, and Future, to show him how much misery he has put his children through. Meanwhile, Mac and Charlie discover their Christmas traditions and memories are not as wholesome as they seemed; so this year they try their darnedest to make things right. Prostitution, burglary, and constant deception make this Christmas special very sunny and definitely a must see for all fans of the series.

P.S. if you want to learn more behind the meaning of this line, “Did you FUCK my mom Santa Claus?!” then you’ll just have to see the video yourself!

Chris

Black Lips Fan Boy!

I saw you guys last night at Terminal 5, opening for the Raconeturs. With all due respect, you guys SUCKED. Seriously. I don’t usually go out of my way to criticize, and I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but in all honesty, your guys’ set may have been the most awful experience of my life.

Too much yelling, too much use of that stupid echo mic, too much sounding like the 4th place contestant at my high school battle of the bands. I actually boo’ed you guys but you were so loud and obnoxious that nobody else could hear it.

And another thing, when the lights come up, and the PA music starts playing, GET THE FUCK OFF STAGE. You are the shitty opening act, nobody wants to hear another shitty song from your repertoire.

AT LEAST ONE POST A DAY!

I will make an effort to make at least one post a day, usually more though. I highly recommend other KIDS to do the same, but I’m not a fan of coercion, so no pressure fellas. Anything and everything is worthy and pictures always help (yeah, I know there’s no pic here!). Of course, the more in depth a post is the better, but it doesn’t have to be Shakespeare lol. Even just posting a picture, video, story, etc. you find funny, ironic, sexually arousing…ok you get my point… will do. Many of my posts are of this very nature. So, if you have anything in mind, by all means, post away. Now, to completely contradict myself, there will probably be days when I don’t make a post, so when that day comes, y’all can call me out. Peace.

Chris

Glen’s Edit: There is now a picture and a guarantee that Chris will not make a post every day. The end.

KK BBQ Show Set + Interview

This is a pretty new one that has in it Leo Chips (the SHOW in King Khan & BBQ Show). They play four songs and then do a little interview after. It’s all good!

BUT…you kind of have to skip some of it to get to the good stuff. Not to say that the first band/interview isn’t great, but come on now.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgRENddUHi0