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Talking and Whiny Voices: Worst Album Ever Made

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Artist: The Moldy Peaches
Title: The Moldy Peaches
Label: Rough Trade
Year: 2001
Length: 44 minutes

Just to clear things up, the title is an “attention grabber,” and in fact I loved the album, that was actually my mom’s opinion of the record lol. Anyway…

1) Lucky Number Nine- 9.4- Solid opener, in many ways sets the tone for the rest of the album: minimal, soft, child like vocals, off beat lyrics, garagey, low-fi production. Vocals. Guitar. Drums. Simple

2) Jorge Reugla- 9.0- Funny little ditty (Yeah, I think I’ll stick with this spelling over “diddy”). Vocals are mostly spoken and Adam Green sings one line, then Kimya Dawson repeats it and so on. Then they both sing doo dit doo dit doo… There’s even a tuba thrown in there… I think lol.

3) What Went Wrong- 9.3- This track is noisy and fuzzy and just downright wacky, but it works. It’s mostly screaming and shouting, “Take Me to Your Leader.”

4) Nothing Came Out- 9.7- Maybe the album’s best track, not sure yet. A Complete departure from the previous track and really the other two tracks as well. This reminds me of Kimya’s solo work, but with drums and better guitars. Her vocals are really top notch though. It’s a slow, ballady, love song about our heroine’s desire to be with her man and ride bikes and watch cartoons with him.

5) Downloading Porn with Davo- 9.6- Hilarious song, perhaps the most licentious tune in the Peaches’ catalog. Adam and Kimya and (I believe others?) rock on their guitars, drums and keyboards, creating a fast, funny track.

6) These Burgers- 9.1- Weird track, to say the least. Soft spoken singing about wild hipsters and the “happy pill.” I really dig the 70s kung fu sound, I don’t know what that is, but I like it.

7) Steak For Chicken- 9.5- Another ballady kinda song. Sorta.The dynamic duo share great vocals duties on this track. I especially adore the line, “Who mistook the steak for chicken, who am I going to stick my dick in.”

8) On Top- 9.3- A really unexpected catchy, rap number. Play that funky music white moldy peach boy!

9) Greyhound Bus- 9.0- A simple song about the joy of riding a greyhound bus. Not much else I really have to offer here.

10) Anyone Else But You- 9.7- Ahh yes, we’ve all heard the Juno induced, love ballad by now. Indeed, it is a classic and certainly has exposed the Peaches to the rest of the world and still has not lost its integrity. The pair’s vocals perfectly complement each other as they usually do. It’s an adorable song!

11) Little Bunny Foo Foo- 9.3- Short, but sweet. Highly catchy and inspiring with it’s unpolished production style. And of course, it gives me a chuckle… makes me want to toss on my bunny suit, cause when I wear it I feel cute! I just had to say it.

12) Ballad of Helenkeller & Rip Van Winkle- 9.2- Yet, another ballad. It’s very good and similar to the previous ballads. I know if Helenkeller was alive and had the ability to hear, then she would dig it and dance to it at her Commie get togethers.

13) Who’s Got the Crack- 9.6- Definitely, one of the Peaches’ strongest tracks. Just a great, off colour, bizarre, hooky number. I really dig how the song starts off slow then erupts into a mini rocker, then slows down a little again, then back to rocking, and back and forth with bunch of shouted vocals. Perhaps they found the person with crack.

14) Lucky Charms- 8.9- Not a bad track, but it doesn’t bring that much to the table for me. Still decent and I dig the little, incredibly modest drums in the background. Lyrically, it is pretty funny, like most of their songs, I must admit.

15) D.2 Boyfriend- 9.0- A strange number about boyfriends, Duran Duran, and middle school lol. Just Kimya here on vocals and they remind me of the lady’s voice on those Garment District commercials. Anybody else hear this, if you remember those ads, since I haven’t seen them in a while? lol. The percussion is just simple tapping. It works.

16) I Forgot- 8.8- See 14 basically. Though, I will add, I like how they don’t care about their vocals here and just fuck around. I also dig the weird noises at the end.

17) Lazy Confessions- 8.7- Lower “quality” production for some reason, but in a way it gives the track, its own feel, so I guess it’s a good thing. Overall, it doesn’t stand out though, but it’s a good song.

18) NYC’s Like a Graveyard- 9.4- Fun Fact: This album was released on 9/11/01, so coincidentally this title is kind of creepy. Anyway, I dig the garage rock guitars and overall sound. The vocals are of the punk variety, in a way. It’s a rocker and once again the lyrics make you smile; suckers, fuckers, and retards. I haven’t been to NYC, so I’ll take their word for it.

19) Goodbye Song- 9.0- A good closer, nothing too epic, but it does the job. Very soft and as usual great duet between Adam and Kimya. But, this time it’s unique because Adam is singing some lyrics and Kimya is simultaneously singing entirely different words. Goodbye!

Overall: A, Most music fans will write this group and this album off as amateurish, talentless noise of low quality,but to me quality means passion, integrity, and creating memorable songs; The Moldy Peaches satisfy all of these desires with the highest of “quality.”

Chris

Art, Entertainment, Holiday, humor, pictures, reviews, TV

Direct to Video Release Review: It’s A Very Sunny Christmas

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Title: It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia in A Very Sunny Christmas
Length: 43 minutes (about 2 episodes worth)
Grade: A-
Here’s Why: We join the demented gang for a no holds barred, fun, wacky Christmas in the Sunny style of unpredictable mayhem. This time around, Dennis and Dee devise a scheme in which they can show their Scrooge of a father, Frank the Christmas Past, Present, and Future, to show him how much misery he has put his children through. Meanwhile, Mac and Charlie discover their Christmas traditions and memories are not as wholesome as they seemed; so this year they try their darnedest to make things right. Prostitution, burglary, and constant deception make this Christmas special very sunny and definitely a must see for all fans of the series.

P.S. if you want to learn more behind the meaning of this line, “Did you FUCK my mom Santa Claus?!” then you’ll just have to see the video yourself!

Chris

Art, Entertainment, Film, reviews

Movie Review: Ink

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Let me start off this review by saying: OOOOHHHHH MMMMYYYYY GGGGGOOOOODDDDDD!!!!!!!! I can’t describe how PERFECT this film is. I can’t even describe the plot that does it justice. Here is the plot as told by Netflix: “Late one night, a lost soul named Ink snatches 8-year-old Emma (Quinn Hunchar) into the world of dreams. There, he hopes to use her soul to join the ranks of the evil Incubi. In the real world, Emma lies comatose, to the despair of her father, John (Chris Kelly). But the Incubi’s benevolent opposites — the Storytellers — rally to help Emma, motivating John to wage war for his daughter. Jessica Duffy co-stars in this dark fable.” After I finished this movie, I couldn’t breathe. It’s one of those. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful and horrifying at the same time. The Storyteller characters will warm your hearts. The Incubi will give you nightmares (its kinda their job). Director Jamin Winans has given a gift to the cinema world. I dare you to watch this film and not want to watch it as soon as you finish it.

Overall Grade: A++++++++++++++++++++++++. Words cannot describe this film. I’ll let the film do it itself.
Here is the trailer.

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Why Top 5?

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1) Black Lips- Los Valientes Del Mundo Nuevo (2007, Vice)-
“This is going to be the best live record of all time!” I couldn’t agree more with you Jared. The album begins with the perennial shouting “ohhhh,” then we are held in suspicion as some Mexican dude is rapidly shouting something in Spanish, which culminates to him shrieking “THE BLACK LIPS!” Then we get strapped in for the roller coaster that is “MIA.” Next we float around like Boomerangs until we slide down the “Sea of Blasphemy.” More classics follow, including “Stranger,” “Not A Problem,” “Hippie, Hippie Hoorah,” and others. Particularly, for me the tracks “Fairy Stories” and “Dirty Hands” always get me going. FS is a great dancing number and is the closest the Lips get to a Beatles song. I love how lyrically this song is sooo menacing: “My daddy has a gun, it’s not a toy, but it’s loads of fun!” and yet musically, it’s completely joyous. DH is one of the best sing a longs ever, perfect for campfires. Lastly, the group finishes with their signature song (if they have one) “Juvenile.” Every track is a classic and this is the closest you get to the live experience on a Black Lips album. As with their shows, on this record there is never a dull moment.

2) Jay Reatard- Matador Singles ’08 (2008, Matador)-
This was the first Jay Reatard album I ever heard; prior to hearing this record, I knew very little of Jay’s music. I had seen some youtube videos, but that wasn’t enough. Even seeing him live, didn’t shake me. So, I tossed on this compilation and I was blown away at how catchy these songs were. I know most people will disagree with me, but this is seriously one of the greatest pop records of all times. These motherfuckers stick to your brain! The repetitious vocals, the simple guitars, memorable lyrics. it’s all here. Favorites include “See/ Saw,” “Screaming Hand,” “An Ugly Death,” “Always Wanting More,” “Trapped Here,” “I’m Watching You,” amongst others. Two tracks in particular should be noted: “No Time” and “You Were Sleeping.” These softies are incredible. Sure, they are probably the wimpiest diddies Reatard has ever had the courage to release to his garage punk aficionado fans, but that’s what makes this LP a classic.

3) The King Khan & BBQ Show- What’s For Dinner? (2006, In the Red)-
Baayyyy Beee Why Don’t You Lie like Rolling Stone magazine when they didn’t include this masterpiece amongst their bests of the decade lol. Seriously though, if you are looking for fun filled old school rock n roll, doo wop, garage punk numbers, this is your album. Unlike their garage rock revival counterparts, the Black Lips and Jay Reatard, the KKBBQS, both lyrically and musically is all about the good old times when kids were kids and danced their ass off with the Zombies at the hop. This LP includes numerous classics: you have the great doo woppy sensitive pop numbers in “I’ll Never Belong,” “Into the Snow,” and “Why Don’t You Lie?” Then you have your fast rockers with “Treat Me Like a Dog,” “Zombies,” and “Dock It#8.” And then there’s the in-betweens. Specifically, “Too Much In Love” is my favorite tune and is soo damn catchy. I could complain more about the severe lack of recognition this LP and this band in general does not receive, but then again , I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!

4) Jay Reatard- Blood Visions (2006, In the Red)-
So, you name your debut Blood Visions and the cover is you naked covered in (real) blood; does it get more badass than that? I hope not! You don’t even need to listen to this album to know what it is about. Just look at the cover. It’s a portrait of a man, who is giving you his internal emotions in his music, he’s not hiding anything from we, creeps. In this sense, there’s plenty of vulnerability in his music, but it never gets the best of him. To this day, his set lists comprise mostly (or at least a good chunk) of BV songs and it’s not hard to see why with such essential, vintage Reatard: “Blood Visions,” “It’s So Easy,” “My Shadow,” “Nightmares,” “Fading All Away,” “Waiting For Something,” and others. It’s a pop classic, it’s a punk classic, but it’s not pop punk lol. Great, unpolished, garagey production. Just the way I like it.

5) Jay Reatard- Singles ’06-’07 (2008, In the Red)-
Ok, I’ve sucked enough Reatard and Garage Rock dick like Rolling Stone gives Radio head. So, I’m going to make this short and sweet. More classic, essential singles and new acoustic, low fi versions of old favorites, as well as some of Jay’s best love/pop songs: “I Know A Place,” “Don’t Let Him Come Back,” “It’s So Useless,” “Let It All Go.”

Chris

Art, Entertainment, Femmes, Music, pictures, reviews

Album Review: ALBUM!

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Artist: Girls
Title: Album
Year: 2009
Label: True Panther Sounds

1) Lust For Life- 10: This song makes me, how should I say, a little crazy, totally mad, and perhaps fucked in the head lol. I remember when Glen first showed me this, it was one of those instantaneous pop hooks. You just want to jump up and start dancing and singing along even, if you’re 100% straight: “I wish I had a boyfriend, I wish I had a loving man in my life,’ are some of the finer lines. Singer, Christopher Owens does a great job with the lead vocals, but I really adore the doo da doo da backing vocals mixed with clapping and a groovin’ bass line. It’s a classic.

2) Laura- 9.4- Wearing it’s 50s-60s pop rock influence as Needle Dropper, Anthony Fantano cited; in this track the Girls boys (haha!) are bundled up in a catchy love number for the one and only Laura.

3) Ghostmouth- 9.7- Another classic, lonely love number, which seems to be a recurring theme in this LP. Owens likes the bad boys, but he has a girl, and “nothing compares to you.” Well, guy, girl, whoever “you” is referring to is causing our hero to go bananas, riding on a ghost train, hoping to reach Heaven If he arrives there, he can chill with my ears cause this is a killer track. Cheesy, I know lol.

4) Goddman- 9.1- Not as good as the previous tracks, but still exceptional. It clearly demonstrates the group’s ability to switch up their sound; here we have some fine bongo tapping.

5) Big Bad Mean Motherfucker- 9.2- Ahh, good old rock n roller. 50s greaser anthem. Reminds me of some of the songs off the Grease Soundtrack and specifically I’m getting a David Bowie Ziggy Stardust era feel.

6) Hellhole Ratrace- 9.9- I often play this song two, sometimes three times in a row. It’s just too exquisite for one listen. Simply, one of those tunes, you never want to end, and I often garner that feeling from a brief number, but this track is one second shy of seven minutes, so kudos to Girls! Very chill, sharp departure from Big Bad, which makes the album that much more fantastic.

7) Headache- 9.4- I love the low, soulful vocals here, which offer everything, but a headache! Lyrically, it’s pretty simple, but it works perfectly: “I only want to be with you all the taahhimee.”

8) Summertime- 9.5- High vocals, akin to the earlier track “Lust For Life.” It’s too damn bad that we’re in the dead of Winter, since this song obviously reminds me of the Summer and even when we reach that time of the year it just fucking rains! Anyway, enough for seasonal rants for now.

9) Lauren Marie- 9.6- Epic, to say the least. Great percussion, fabulous Elvis/Bowie like vocals, and simple guitar strumming. If I was Lauren Marie, I’d feel honored.

10) Curls- 9.6- For some reason, the guitar riff is etched in my brain. Echoes (no pun intended) to Darkside era Pink Floyd.

11) Darling- 9.4- Nice little closer. It’s not as far out there as some of the other tracks, so in other words it brings our melted brains back to the surface. This track also shares a memorable guitar riff.

Overall: For such comically generic LP/Band names, these guys (lol)are anything but; based on this debut, Girls have a promising future and are amongst my new favorite artists.

Chris

Art, CD Review, Lists, Music

Matt’s Top Albums from 2000-09

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These are some of the my favorite and in my opinion some of the best albums of the first decade in the 21st Century.

5. 19-Adele. This was one of my personal favorites from an amazingly talented girl. The album has everything heart felt ballads galore (Daydreamer, Hometown Glory, First Love among others) giant swelling songs (Chasing Pavements, Right As Rain, Tired) and even a dance track (Cold Shoulder). Written about Adele’s experience leaving her home in London and experience with love, 19 proved to be one of my favorite records of the decade.

Pretty, pretty, pretty good.

4. Funeral-Arcade Fire. The debut from one of the leading bands in indie rock. Funeral, which was named after several of the bandmate’ss relatives passed away, like 19 just has it all. It has your soft personal acoustic (Crown Of Love, Neighbor Hood 4 [7 Kettles], In The Backseat) your thunderous rock songs (Wake Up, Rebellion[Lies], Neighborhood #3[Power Out]) and yet again even kind of a dance track (Neighborhood #1 [Tunnels]). I credit this as the only record to ever make me close to really crying my eyes out. Phenomenal record. Should be in everyone’s collection.

3. The White Stripes-Elephant. Wow. All I can say about this record. What really made this stand out to me was its lack of true production. Jack had this recorded all on tapes and he spliced the tapes together. Some of my favorite songs are Seven Nation Army, Ball And Biscuit, There’s No Home For You Here, Little Acorns and You’ve Got Her In Your Pocket. An amazing outing from arguably my favorite band.

2. Radiohead-In Rainbows. What is a top ten list without Radiohead. And this record in particular is the one that really made me take notice of Radiohead. An album that makes an artist wait to put out the next record so the one before won’t overshadow it is something special. With some of the best production, arrangements and lyrics my old ears have ever heard, In Rainbows is a record not to be fucked with.

1. Radiohead-Kid A. I am speechless when it comes to this record. It’s such a… special record. Defining Radiohead’s sound most likely for the next few records and defining us as people, its just scary good. I frown on anyone who thinks they can do better. I don’t want to say anymore because my words can’t praise it enough

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