Category Archives: humor

Greatest Concert Experience Ever!

The following is an essay I wrote for my Essay Writing course. This is the first draft, but this is how I intended to tell the story. I may or may not post the final draft. Enjoy!

Sea of Blasphemy

Annually, my comrades and I look forward to seeing our favorite band, the Black Lips! when they come to town. This year was no exception, well except it was. One of our other favorite bands, the Box Elders would be opening. As a fairly frequent concertgoer (roughly twenty or more shows a year), whenever two or more of my favorite bands are on the same bill, this usually translates into a phenomenal show, one deeply etched into my music loving heart. On March 25, 2010, the Black Lips and the Box Elders did just that and then some!
The Black Lips! represent everything great about Rock and Roll, Punk, and music itself. They satisfy all the tastes one looks for in the greatest rock band: catchy songs, excellent showmanship, unmatched integrity, unique character, and best of all, an unflinching ode to youth rebellion. Though, there is far more to the Black Lips! craft than the bedlam they are known for, it is worth noting that their shows are notorious for wild, anarchic behavior such as vomiting, urination, nudity, amongst other havoc inducing shenanigans. As an enormous fan of anti-authoritarian art, I naturally found this quite appealing. My buddies, my fellow devotees of obscure Punk Rock, and I are so dedicated to following music (particularly of the underground variety, with the Black Lips! high above all) that we started our own subversive blog entitled, Kids Like You and Me or KLYAM (pronounced clam, go figure). The moniker derives its name from the lyrics to one of our most beloved Black Lips tunes, “Bad Kids.” The line goes “Bad kids ain’t no college grad kids. Livin’ life out on the skids. Kids like you and me.” Though the lyrics do not directly relate to us, we have kind of made it our own. Only a band like the Black Lips and their amazing shows can have such a life altering effect on a young, frustrated man, boy- boyman, such as myself.
I have heard some folks describe special shows as religious experiences; for Black Lips fans, seeing these Flower Punkers’ live is the equivalent of journeying to Mecca for Muslims. Okay, maybe a bit of an exaggeration, but if you look at the audience at their shows, you might think differently. For the Klaymers (what we call those who contribute to the aforementioned blog), waiting months for a Black Lips! show is as painful as Guantanamo Bay torture. The anticipation just keeps building and building. Three months. One Month. Two Weeks. One Week. One Day. The Show! And when that glorious day finally arrives, words cannot describe how ecstatic I am.
As 6:30 P.M. rolls around, my pal Travis (the guy that introduced me to the band) picks me up and we hit the road. Naturally, when we arrive at the Middle East in Cambridge we are there way too early and the doors have yet to open. More waiting! As if, months of anticipation was not enough. Finally, the doors open and of course no one is there. Typical. My amigos and I like to be the first there and secure our cozy spot in front of what would become bassist Jared Swilley’s stage monitor. To kill time, we waltz over to the merchandise table. Whilst taking a gander at the various vinyls, CDs, seven inches, cassettes, t-shirts, and pins, I spot a long blonde haired hippie looking dude, which looks a lot like Clayton McIntyre, singer/guitarist for the Box Elders, one of my top ten favorite bands and the second group on the bill. Wait a second, yes it is Clayton! “Hey Clayton, I really dug Alice and Friends, I thought it was one of the best records of 2009,” I yelp. He smiles and appreciates the accolades. I inform him that “Atlantis,” is my favorite Box Elders song and he agrees, saying it is his favorite too. Then I notice drummer/keyboardist, Dave Goldberg beside him. I keep my cool and inform the man of my admiration for his band: “When I saw you guys open for Jay Reatard, a few months back, I experienced something I have never felt before with any band, I found myself immediately singing along to the songs, even though I had never heard them before.” Dave graciously accepts my compliments and various music driven conversations ensue. I am struck by what Dave tells me about his lifestyle, how little they make and yet how little that seems to matter in the grand scheme of things. The man seems driven to succeed or more apropos not fall back. Explaining his outlook, he cites a Butthole Surfers’ quote from the book, Our Band Could Be Your Life, but he cannot think of the title, until I tell him. And after name dropping some early Buttholes’ LPs, he claims “Shit, you’re very well-versed.” I get that a lot, but coming from one of my favorite musicians means far more.
After the chit chat, the show finally begins with the band, Movers and Shakers. Alas, they neither move nor shake me. No worries, up next was the Box Elders! and as soon as they start their set the crowd is more than moving and shaking. They play all their essential, brief, but incredibly catchy ditties. Not to mention the fact that the BE on stage are a sight to be seen. Specifically, one cannot forget the antics of Dave as he simultaneously commands the drum kit and plays the keys, and then occasionally makes aerobic movements, when he has a hand free. The highlight of the performance for me is when Clayton introduces my favorite, “Atlantis,” as “here’s a song this kid will like,” with his finger pointing to me at the front of the stage. Without a doubt, one of the best opening bands I have ever seen; it would have been one of my favorite concerts if the show had ended here.
Now, was the time I have been waiting for all year, like waking up on Christmas morning times a thousand and it still does not scratch the surface. The place is packed, sold out and we are ready to go! The entire crowd initiates the universal chanting “ohhhhhhhhhhhh” that opens every Black Lips! show. It is not as exciting on paper, kind of akin to the wave ( but way cooler), you cannot describe it to someone, it simply will not have the same effect as if you are present. But, as the chant builds and builds, you can feel the rowdy audience members on your back as you discover there is no place to breath and you are in a sea of drunkards, stoners, and possibly the insane. Then you realize you are amongst this sea of wild men and women and anything seems possible. The Lips- Cole, Jared, Ian, and Joe hit the stage and launch into “Sea of Blasphemy,” immediately chaos ensues: beers, saliva, and bodies a flyin, you never stay still for the entire show. In fact, you have to hold onto the people around you or the monitors in order to stand up and not die. The Black Lips are an attack on all the senses. Whilst the loud, noisy wall of music wipes out what is left of my hearing, I can taste the hair of various femmes getting caught in my mouth and I can smell some puke, blood, and certainly, unbelievable amounts of sweat. It is like I dove into a pool of sweat and I am saturated in it. Everyone is sticking to each other, when they are not crushing themselves in undeniably euphoric moshpits. Meanwhile on stage, the pandemonium is duplicated as the boys hop and bop around as energetic and crazy as ever. Singer/guitarist, Cole Alexander, ever the charmer, hawks a giant loogie in the air and then catches it in his mouth. He proceeds to make out with lead guitarist, Ian St. Pe. Much more of this “entertainment” continues as they play classic after classic from all over their discography. The evening culminates with their signature closer, “Juvenile,” in which many patrons rush the stage and dive off, just barely escaping the clutches of uppity, conservative security.
All in all this is easily one of the greatest experiences of my life. Concerts are measured musically, viscerally, visually, and as an overall experience. I would say the visceral is the key ingredient in the memorable concert dish. That is the difference between most concerts and “crazy” shows like the Black Lips. It is like an altered state of consciousness, for me at least, for others this is literally the case! Seemingly, time is suspended and everything is possible. You feel more alive than ever, an amazing feeling. If you have experienced viscerally, what I am speaking of, and if you attend one of their shows and are amongst the fun, wild, tornado in front of the stage, then you know what I am saying. I am making no exaggeration, when I say, you do not know what will happen next. I cannot imagine it any other way. And what better a band then the Black Lips to experience this visceral abandonment with?! This all sort of hits me while I am wandering around, practically tripping over the empty beer cans and beer bottles covering the floor. Extremely tired and ready to pass out, I decide to sit on the stage and wait to see my friends, in my dirty, sweat and beer drenched Jay Reatard shirt. “Hey, that’s a cool Jay Reatard shirt,” I hear a voice say. Looking up, I discover it is none other than Cole Alexander. There are about a thousand things I want to ask him, but at the time I can only muster a few sentences about how inspiring his music is to my life. I am sure he gets that all the time, but I truly mean it. Looking back, I think the lyrics to the Lips’ anthem “Drugs,” articulate my sentiments best, ” We’ll laugh about this tomorrow.
It’s times like this I hope we’ll follow me. I hope they follow me. I hope they follow me. oh oh I hope they follow me.”


Not from the Boston show! lol

Band Recommendation: Red Mass

Red Mass is a group of musicians who fit in the general category of a band. They’re on the psychedelic/experimental side of rock and roll AND will be opening for King Khan and the Shrines at select shows! Among those select shows is the Royale Boston one that we’ll be attending. Ahh, the excitement! Well, anyway, I like what I hear and thought I’d share them with all of you guys. You know, move them to the next level of recognition.

“Male Models” – Haha! This one is funny. They sound like they’ve been at this since the ’80s. The style is dance-rock, but it’s eclectic and nearly parodies mainstream ’80s rock while still maintaining an edge that none of the shitty bands ever had at that time.

Mini Classic Film Reviews: Wizard Of Oz…

Full Title The Wizard Of Oz
Director(s): Victor Fleming, George Cukor, Mervyn LeRoy, King Vidor
Year: 1939
Comments: This needs no introduction, the wonderful, coming of age, fantasy movie about discovering you need not look further than your backyard to find inspiration and/or happiness. I would argue this is amongst the top five or ten films to revolutionize cinema forever.
Grade: A+

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Full Title: Spiderman 3
Director: Sam Raimi
Year: 2007
Comments: This is definitely the weakest of the three Spidey flicks, but it isn’t terrible. It is still a good action packed, entertaining adventure. The story is interesting enough to follow through and the aciting is okay. The villians (Sandman and Venom) are decent characters, but neither generate the kind of hatred or terror one hopes to find in his Comic Book villians such as the antagonists in the previous two Spiderman movies (Green Goblin, Doc Ock, respectively). Overall, pretty average, worth seeing if you are a fan of Spiderman and/or this genre, if not, then you may or not dig this. The film fails to move beyond its basic plot and doesn’t bring anything new to the table.
Grade: C+

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Full Title: Juno
Director: Jason Reitman
Year: 2007
Comments: I don’t care what people say about this movie, I love it! I know it has received overwhelming popularity and mostly positive reviews, but I truly think this is one of the best films of the past decade, or at least one of my favorites (# 2 for the 2000s) and it seems like that’s where people lose me. As a viewer and in general as a fan of any kind of art, one of the most vital qualities, if not the most vital quality is how memorable it is. And Junebug is chock full of lasting images, quotes, scenes, characters, and one of the most endearing soundtracks of all time. I am always glad to hear that people who normally would never listen to obscure music now know and love artists like Sonic Youth and Kimya Dawson because of this soundtrack. Speaking of Kimya, her songs (as the other artists’ music) fit astonishingly perfect in the film; as if they were made solely to be heard with this film, which of course none of them were, all having been recorded prior to director Jason Reitman contacting Kimya about collaborating. So yeah, this is highly KLYAM Recommended. Wizard!
Grade: A+

Hicks Vid of the Day

“If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them. Cause you know what? The musicians that made all that great music that has enhanced your life over the years… REAL FUCKING HIGH ON DRUGS.”

100 Bands to See Before I Die!

Now, I know I have made this list before and you know what I will probably make it again as I constantly discover more and more fantastic artists. As of now, these are the bands and solo stars I would really like to see before I can see Jay Reatard again haha. Here they are in no particular order except the first three. NOTE: I have never seen any of these bands, hence the purpose of this post, though I have seen some of the artists, but in different acts.

1) Adam Green
2) Cumstain
3) Natural Child
4) Shannon and The Clams
5) Atlas Sound
6) Fugazi (if that damn hiatus ended)
7) Beat Happening (see Fugazi)
8) The Replacements (if they moved on without Bob Stinson and reformed)
9) The Smiths (doubt it, but if Morrissey and the gang kissed and made up)
10) Bad Brains
11) Bright Eyes
12) Arcade Fire
13) Leonard Cohen
14) Page France (if they reform)
15) Rage Against the Machine
16) Pogues
17) Almighty Defenders
18) Big Black (if they reunited for more than just a one off thang)
19) Black Flag (if Rollins is behind the Mic, well just about anything Rollins for that matter, bu esp. BF)
20) Jello Biafra (with any band I suppose)
21) Nick Cave (particularly the Bad Seeds)
22) Simon & Garfunkel
23) David Bowie
24) Led Zeppelin
25) Les Sexareenos
26) System Of A Down
27) Misfits (If Danzig is on vocals)
28) Descendents
29) N.W.A.
30) Wu-Tang Clan (or perhaps one of the solo acts)
31) Ween
32) The Oblivians
33) The Nightwatchman Tom Morello
34) Shellac
35) Lou Reed/Velvet Undergound
36) The Stooges
37) Daniel Johnston
38) The Shaggs
39) Weezer
40) Moldy Peaches (yeah yeah if they reform)
41) Kimya Dawson
42) Alice In Chains
43) Faith No More
44) Jesus and Mary Chain
45) Lotus Plaza
46) Jane’s Addiction
47) Vaselines
48) Anti-Flag
49) Mika Miko (if they join forces again)
50) Andrew W.K.
51) Black Sabbath
52) Pavement
53) Sebadoh (that would be sick)
54) Lightning Bolt
55) Immortal Technique
56) Incubus
57) Primus
58) Stone Roses (same deal)
59) New York Dolls
60) X
61) Mabuses
62) Husker Du (I think the Huskers are long overdue for a reunion tour!)
63) Ghetto Cross
64) Old King Cole Younger
65) The Spooks (If I’m randomly in Atlanta on Halloween lol)
66) KRS-One
67) The Jam (Weller solo is cool, but not good enough)
68) The Buzzcocks
69) Smashing Pumpkins
70) R.E.M.
71) Talking Heads (please guys reunite and let’s start making sense!)
72) Devo
73) KISS
74) Cheap Trick
75) MC5
76) George Jones
77) Willie Nelson
78) Neil Young
79) Creedence Clearwater Revivial
80) Slayer
81) Mudhoney
82) Paul McCartney
83) Cypress Hill
84) Pharcyde
85) Alice Cooper
86) Galaxie 500
87) At the Drive-In
88) Vomit Squad (or just about any random Khan side project)
89) Gaye Blades
90) Bjork
91) Beastie Boys
92) The Growlers
93) Butthole Surfers
94) Necro
95) Sly and the Family Stone
96) George Clinton/Parliament Funkadelic
97) Fear
98) Melvins
99) Jesus Lizard
100) The Barbaras

Yeah, I know most of these are not exactly realistic, but what the hey. I seriously plan on crossing out each band after I see them (In less than ten days Those Darlins should be crossed off!) and in this case probably just filling them in with another artist.