Why American Idol is Evil

So, the following is an old rant of mine entilted, “Why American Idol is Evil” that I posted on my (and a few other KLAYMERS’) old blog, Wakefield Etudiant about three years ago. I wrote it in a notebook in a matter of 5-10 minutes whilst listening to The Replacements’ Stink EP. Then a few months later, I came across it and posted the basterd. Much to my amusement it received various comments, mostly hateful! lol After that it was posted on a forum or two and garnered even more (negative) comments. People seemed to take it way too seriously. I found it hilarious that readers actually thought I invested time and energy into making some sorta “journalistic endeavour,” when it really was just a written translation of my views on the show and the music industry with some exaggerations and strong language. Looking back at it now, I realize this rant is not my best piece of writing, but it sure is one of my favorites; after all it’s always a delight to piss people off. If I had written this piece today it would probably be different, but at the same time the general position is the same. Ok, so here’s the damn thang:

Music or art for that matter always meant to me, playing from your fucking heart, with no regard for who you offend. Some corporate bithces like to destroy this legacy and sell out for more money and more pussy. Fucke em’ I say. When I see Alice Cooper doing Staples commercials, I shake my head in disapproval, screaming to myself, “What happened to the ‘Parent’s Worst Nightmare,’ what happened to the snakes, the gory, torn apart chickens, ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy,’ and ‘School’s Out For Summer.” Well, I hate to break it you Mr. Cooper, you (and countless others) are “nice guys” and are the parents’ perfect image.
Seriously, it’s like the fucking 80’s again where your parents like the same music you do. Where’s the rebellion? Fuck, the entire nature of Rock and Roll is gone. I mean, don’t get me wrong it’s been dead for a while. Disco took a huge toll on us, MTV melted our brains with intellectually dilute, unimaginative, videos (still does, but videos are even dumber, less creative, and worst of all safer) and of course the 21st Century has brought us the greatest, most unholy, derelict, stain on the music world, none other than… American Idol.
I don’t know where to begin with this fucking show! It is evil, morally incorrect, and worst of all: sugar coated bullshit, fresh fo children of all ages! “Warning! if you like to use your brain or think for yourself and would rather listen to true fucking rebels, please turn your televison off right now. Thank you and may God bless your soul!” This caveat should appear in big fucking bold letters before they air AI (acutally most TV shows for that matter) on Fox and bring their filthy, government approved, pussy, garbage into millions of American Homes.
People always say to me, “come on now Chris, AI isn’t that bad, it gives countless, young , aspiring artists a chance to make it in the big time and millions of people can witness them do what they love on national television…” Fuck that! it assists countless young singers (who are doing the same fucking shit we’ve seen for the past few decades) become even bigger corporate, little bitches; slaves to a machine, that they are sadly oblivious to. When these faggots hop around and do their stupid fucking dances I just want to strangle each and every last one of them.
If Rock meant rebellion, rebelling to “the man,” then AI contestants are sucking the man’s cock and letting his pearly black cum posion millions across the nation, whenever they open their mouths. All artists, whether they are singers or whatever must do it themselves and do what they feel like doing, not what three, dickhead, judges want them to do. I mean can you picture an AI in 1967. Lou Reed sings “Heroin,” I bet Paula would say, “Lou that’s not exactly a safe song.” Or Hendrix out of his mind on acid setting his instrument ablaze. The fat, black guy (shit, what’s his name?), oh yeah, Randy, can you imagine him telling Jimi to put out the fire, cause it may turn off some of our viewers. Now, of course that would have never occurred because those artists had balls. It seriously makes my blodd curdle when I hear that young kids yearn to be big stars on AI. It’s the fucking kiss of death! There’s nothing dangerous or controversial about it and it is a major sign of how we have lost our momentum, ultimately becoming complacent zombies, eager to chow down on the next, fresch crap they have to serve us. Bullshit! Never do we have to accept crap, just because it is popular or because all of our friends adore it. Do a little searching, broaden your horizons and you will discover numerous classic and contemporary artists that always play from their fucking hearts. The music/art I get the biggest hard-ons for, offer me insight and best of all, allow me to think for myself. If you or a loved one enjoy watching AI or even worse want to be on AI (yikes!) please seek help! You are already a sell out, you sold out to yourself.

Jimi Hendrix

A crowd of musicians watched in awe as the flames leaped from his instrument on that summer night in 1967 at the Monterey Pop Festival. They viewed the greatest guitar player to ever pick up the instrument, Jimi Hendrix.
Jimi Hendrix was born John Allen Hendrix on November 27, 1942 in Seattle Washington. Jimi’s mother eventually suffered from alcoholism while his father was off fighting in World War II. Jimi was sent to live with his relatives in Berkeley, California.
When his father returned from war, he divorced his wife and renamed Jimi James Marshall Hendrix. Jimi’s father showed him how to play guitar when he was thirteen. He became fascinated with the instrument and stayed fascinated with it his whole life, he brought it everywhere with him, he even slept with it. Jimi’s father told him to play with his right hand because playing left-handed was “a sign of the devil.” Whenever Jimi was in front of his father he played right-handed, but when his father left he played with the now famous left hand!
Jimi dropped out of high school and joined the army when he was seventeen in 1959. He was given an honorable discharge, after he broke his ankle during a training parachute jump.
When Jimi Hendrix first came out he went under the name Jimmy James. He was a pickup guitarist. Three years later he played for superstars such as Little Richard to B.B. King.
One year later he formed Jimmy James and the Blue Flames. After meeting Chas Chandler of The Animals he went to London in the fall of 1966 to form The Jimi Hendrix Experience with Mitch Mitchell on drums, and Noel Redding on bass. In the year 1967 Hendrix became a pop phenomenon in London because of his two hit singles, “Hey Joe” and “Purple Haze”and his debut album Are You Experienced. Also that year Hendrix played at the Monterey Pop Festival. That same night The Who was playing. Pete Townsend the band’s guitarist smashed his instrument into pieces. To top that, Hendrix set his to flames.
In 1968 the left-handed genius recorded his third album Electric Ladyland which contained hits such as “Voodoo Child(slight return)”, “Crosstown Traffic”, and a cover of the Bob Dylan song, “All Along The Watchtower”, which became one of his biggest hits. By August of 1969 The Jimi Hendrix Experience had broken up.
Later that year Hendrix appeared at the Woodstock festival. He performed many of his hits and his own version of The Star Spangled Banner.
Later on in 1969 he formed The Band Of Gypsys’ who only recorded one album. A few months later he played with Mitch Mitchell and Billy Cox a friend of Jimi from the army. Hendrix recorded his final album, Cry of Love with them. In August of 1970 he performed his last concert at The Isle Of Wight Festival.
Like Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, and many other musicians Jimi Hendrix died at the age of twenty- seven. He died of an inhalation of vomit. One month after The Isle Of Wight Festival.

Jimi Hendrix has been hailed as an icon since his death in 1970. He created rock classics such as, “Purple Haze”, “All Along The Watchtower” , and “Foxy Lady.” Jimi Hendrix has contributed two things to the world. First, he was the most influential guitar player in music history and second his incredible song writing that many people could connect with. The subject of his songs varied from the up beat and happy “Foxy Lady” to the dark and depressing “Hey Joe.” Some people believe his song writing was comparable to Bob Dylan’s song writing which influenced Hendrix. Whether you remember him for his mind blowing guitar playing, his incredible song writing, his unforgettable voice, or his shocking performances on stage, the world will never forget Jimi Hendrix.

Written in 8th Grade, February 2005.

Chris