“Does DO NOT DISTURB mean knock immediately in Spanish?!”
“If drugs are so bad for us, how is Keith Richards still walking?”
This is a nice bit after a slow, annoying day of work.
“I guess I read for a lot of reasons, but the main one is so I don’t wind up being a fucking waffle waitress”
“Hey buddy, let me tell you something, MY DADDY DIED FOR THAT FLAG!” “REALLY? I bought mine… you know they sell them at K Mart and shit, three bucks.”
“Maybe you were conceived with a weak sperm or something. Maybe your dad was jacking off and your mom sat on it at the last second.”
“It said ‘DO NOT DISTURB,’ it didn’t say come in and catch me jacking off.”