An Inside Joke You Don’t Get (Segment Two)

09/23/2011 by Leave a comment

The following is the second segment of An Inside Joke You Don’t Get, which has me asking a complete outsider for his/her opinion on songs, music videos, and other such entertainment that you might find while browsing KLYAM. The outsider’s opinion could, at times, be harsh, derogatory, and inappropriate. Such is life so I haven’t censored any commentary. It’s interesting and humorous to witness reactions to stuff that we all know and love; it is truly obscure and random to the greater majority. 

How was the video for “Vomit”?
It was excellent. I’m afraid to call it the best, as some have called it.
How about the song itself?
It was done by who?
Girls.
You know to me, it sounded like two songs. I didn’t see the first part connected to the second part. Although it works. The first part is “I’m looking for you” and the second part is “Come in to my heart.” He’s looking for somebody in the first half!
Did you think it sounded like a classic rock song?
No. Classic rock songs usually suck. This was actually good. Well, actually, that’s unfair. There are some good classic rock songs.
How about Honey Bunny?
Good tune. It has something memorable. “Da da da girl that I love” (Humming to himself)
What about the video? Did you notice any re-occuring themes amongst the videos (“Vomit” and “Honey Bunny”)?
Gay men like nice cars.
Care to elaborate?
He wasn’t rubbing himself all over the seat. He was just doing cool guy stuff. Sitting up in the convertible.
But how do you know he’s gay, wasn’t he with a girl?
Isn’t the name of the band Girls? And there are all guys in it. Either it’s something they like or something they are… and they haven’t figured it out yet. I’m going with the are. They have to be careful to not overproduce the video. They have to watch out for the Brady Bunch tile-o-rama. Corny video tricks. But they didn’t go too far, but they could have.
So what’d you think of Girls live [on Jimmy Fallon]?
An appropriate song for the Fallon show. “Oh God, I’m tired. What time is this show on?”
What’d you think of the back-up singers?
Under-utilized. I felt they didn’t have a big enough role. But that’s not up for me to say. Sometimes all you need is a pinch instead of a spoonful.  Oh yeah what is it? My ma, ma ma, or mommy?
My Ma
He’s looking for his mother. Like much of Jimmy Fallon’s audience. “Can I have a drink of water?” “No Fallon’s on, shut up.”
What about Nobunny’s “Blow Dumb” video?
Mercifully short. It would help if I got the reference, “Blow Dumb’”. What does this mean? Am I showing my age or my intelligence?
Okay, Nobunny live.
They’re a musical group, right? There was no music in this video. There was one good guitar playing and bad cymbals. Everything else was visual. I could’ve turned on the blender and it would be fine.
I’m sure the song had vocals and a tune. The video didn’t do it justice. Or maybe it did?

How was “Bug”?
I actually liked it. The only thing that bugged me: is that an upside down Oreo symbol on their album cover? On the right, sticking out of his back. Is that off an Oreo cookie? Does that mean infinite oreo cookies? They should get together with Girls and sing “I wish I had an oreo and a oreo and a glass of milk.”
What are you thinking about their live performance?
Two stoner pedophiles and their twelve year old lead singer. Did you see the two old guys and the kid singing? What, do they pay him in candy?
Who comes up with the songs?
I don’t think there’s a brain cell between the three of them. Probably the quiet one on guitar.
[Interrupts song...]
Why, you tell me who’s the retard in the back, boppin’ away? The manager or the parole officer?
(The song “No Hope Kids” ends)
I probably have to apologize for the last comment because they’re a very good band. Just keep the kids away from them. See that’s a second impression.
If they zoom into his (Billy Hayes) courdoroys any more I’d say the video was payed for by Levi’s.

So what about “Lovers Lane?”
How did his boyfriend die? AIDs related car crash? That’s how they died in the ’50s.

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The Music Nerd Declaration

09/16/2011 by 3 Comments

We are music nerds, music geeks, whatever you wish to call us. I prefer the term “radical nerd,” but whatever. We follow in the footsteps of a long list of Music (radical) nerds that have enriched all of our lives. We are a different branch of geekdom, often more socially acceptable than your average dork- often, not always. Instead of cherishing “World of Warcraft,” “Dungeons and Dragons,” and “Star Trek,” Our Band Could Be Your Life (2001), the oft-nauseating, but totally relevent blogosphere/message board apparatus, and endless hours of Sash Grey videos are our treasureed jewels. Instead of spending are teen years chasing hunnies or developing better social skills, we spent entirely way too much time debating whether or not major labels were good or evil. We are the proud, the few… the few that actually give a fuck about whatever we’re yapping about. We may never sleep with as many women as Gene Simmons, but we will know how many women Gene Simmons has slept with (4,600 approximately). The following is a list of some of my favorite music nerds.


Lestor Bangs


Chuck Klosterman


Nadwuar, the Human Serviette


Anthony Fantano of the Needle Drop. Forever.

The dudes from High Fidelity (2000)

and who could forget…


Steve Albini, the “Noam Chomsky of Music Nerds.”

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Happy B-Day Touchy Tony!

09/15/2011 by 1 Comment

Nobunny’s bass player. Great dude. Little over a week till these dudes come to town.

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Bradford In Anatomy & Physiology Textbook!

09/14/2011 by 1 Comment

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Drinking and Yahoo! Answers

08/31/2011 by 1 Comment

Since Chris put one foot forward in making KLYAM more like Beer Advocate, I’ve decided to make this alcohol related post out of necessity and clarification. As I’m passively sipping on an alcohol beverage, I’ve embarked on the chaotic quest of finding out how other people feel about how drinking alcohol feels. Chances are that the person on Yahoo! Answers asking this question has never tasted alcohol and is curious. We’ve all been there. Now, I know some (if not all, then most) of you folks did not need the aid of anonymous internet discussion boarders in gauging the mysterious liquid. Maybe one or two of you reading decided to look into this medium. Fine. Typical responses (in my viewing history AND as expected) run the gamut from the neo-Prohibitionist (“Don’t drink at all. It is poison!”) to the impudently blithe (“Get fucked up and see!”). If I had to respond, I would take a reasonably middling stance. I’ve seen a fair share of responses, though, that really get my blood boiling. I can understand the truths in both extremes that I just mentioned, but when I read a response that says “you will feel horribly sick the next morning” I get semi-angered. If you have a moderate amount of alcohol beverage, in between ONE and anywhere between TWO and ______ drinks, chances are more than probable that you won’t feel sick. It’s called moderation for a reason. It’s a crime to instill fear in the brains of neophytes with this kind of garbage…this kind of shit. I don’t know too many people that go all out/black out during their first experimental session, do you? That’s all really. I could conclude this passage much more formally, but that’s all I have. My libation is getting warm.

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Question of the Week: Favorite Beer?

08/30/2011 by 6 Comments

While we have had several erudite Questions of the Week, we’re not elitist basterds, in fact far from it. In honor of the new school year, our Question of the Week is What is your favorite beer? This is a tough one for me, I’m undecided, what about you?

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“Deep Ghetto On Lock”

08/25/2011 by 1 Comment

I used to compose hip-hop songs back in ninth grade. I had a MySpace page. I remember distributing CDs of my material in the hallways. I was cleaning out my room today in search of some remnants of my past work. All was lost, I thought. I couldn’t remember what I called myself. GMONEY, Gmags, gspinit? Ah, yes, G-Spin-It. I knew I reached some level of notoriety when a senior at the Homecoming Dance asked me if I could do a live performance of my Spanglish hit “Orgullo de Rappers”. Well in between September 2005 and September 2006, my voice changed from pre-pubescent Hispanic wanna-be to just about what a 15 year old should sound like. I know this because I recorded myself rapping over an instrumental of “Shake Your Money Maker”. These were the days. Here are the words to an unreleased, lost song from 2006.

No need for me to enter club scene
Being fifteen, I rock ya mic
Like I’m a big bad machine
Like the yellow submarine
I sink you, blink once I’ll out-think you
That’s right foo, join my crew or screw
I pull through
To pursue my dream to the extreme
I light ya beam, with whipped cream
I don’t care if I didn’t make the B-ball team
I still exhibit my scheme

I ain’t no Chamillionaire or Kanye
What I do is under pay my way to success
Suppress my progress is to recess
But what I got to confess is my guess
To be number one, without a gun
You poke fun, you’z be outdone
This is what I begun
I ain’t leavin’, believin’ that I’m achievin’
No deceiving’, rather retrieving my diamond and gold
Proven, I don’t need to be told
Let alone be controlled about how I rhyme
It’s a matter of time before I turn platinum
And succumb to a mystery
Without a doubt I’m the best rhymer
In History!

Link To G-Spin-It Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/gspinit

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Ty Segall & Gangbang Gordon

08/07/2011 by Leave a comment

Gangbang Gordon has now realized he made a song that sounds just like he was trying to imitate Ty Segall. He was not deliberately trying to sound like Ty. He was trying to sound like the Everly Brothers. Gangbang is 20 yrs old. Ty was around the same age when he recorded this. They both had to start somewhere.

Here is “Damn Shame” from Gangbang: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK-nocxOeUA
Here is “Die Tonight” from Ty: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khJLlYSWmlg

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I’m Back!

08/07/2011 by Leave a comment

Yes, I am making my triumphant return to KLYAM after a week’s vacation (no access to internet) and I am back again to fill your empty lives with knowledge you couldn’t possibly obtain yourselves. In the following days, weeks be sure to look out for some classic reviews including the amazingly atrocious cult film The Room (2003), Atlanta, GA music scene documentary, We Fun (2009), and a whole bunch of album reviews from artists as diverse as Adam Green to The Nation of Ulysses. As the old saying goes, everybody loves a cocksucker.

At ease.

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A Person’s History of Political Affiliations in the United States: 1990-Present

07/28/2011 by 3 Comments

DISCLAIMER: This is the beginning of a piece I started (and stopped) writing two years ago because I got sick of explaining my political views. I never finished this amateur manifesto and in fact barely put a dent into. As of now, I really don’t have a desire to complete it, but someday I probably will. So, why am I posting it if it is not finished? you may ask. Well, in the traditions of Jay Reatard and Bradford Cox, both of whom we greatly admire at KLYAM, I’m presenting unfinished, skeletal material instead of searching for a perfect final product… sorta. Kind of like the way they have released demos, so you can see the process of their art. In any case, enjoy.

I was born on July 15, 1990 during the Bush I Administration.  Naturally, I paid no attention to this goon and steered clear from the political scene for my first few years.  As the 90s rolled along we moved to a new groove with the Clinton Administration.  During Billy’s first term in office I remained silent, but of course silence makes me sick, so I roared when round two began.  With no particular ideology in mind, at the age of five I voiced support for the “populist” goofy bastard over another goofy bastard, whom appeared to state his name after every sentence.  To me (based on coloring books and TV appearances) the Clinton team seemed secure for a sophomore session, whereas the menacing, fumbling Dole fucks could not cut the deal.  To me, Clinton was “presidential,” an extremely peculiar word that only means something to you if you favor the showbiz over the real action.  The only quality I looked for in a future prez was being “presidential.” It’s sad that at five I mastered the average adult voter’s methods of choosing their leader.

With Meet the Presidents Coloring Book being my top read, this great, big concept of  being “presidential” completely consumed my political intake for my childhood years.  As the title misinforms the young readers, we meet 40 phonies (it was a little bit old) and of these phonies, President John Fitzgerald Kennedy became my favorite phony.  JFK made me want to become President of the United States of America! I fervently advised my family and friends that I would become President one day. I responded to “What I wanted to be when I grew up?” with “President.” My parents endorsed me, my brothers…. did not, but what else can you expect from siblings?

But, back to my boy JFK.  He became my hero and instead of ameliorating any possible athletic skills, I instead read several of his biographies and anything else I could find on the man.  Strangely, I never delved into any assassination theories, since I’m usually fascinated by that stuff, but that’s a whole other story.  In 3rd grade, I dressed up as Mr. Kennedy, my idol, and briefly told the class and parents about my life, accomplishments, and untimely death… without any notes, a feat no other student matched!

During these wild and crazy years in my youth (1996-2000)…

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